(The Savior Jesus Christ is real& most precious. He is no accident (I used the word accident because some rude person strove to make up a whole website coming over as I thought Jesus was not real and an accident.. Satan will go to great lengths to discredit goodly people or goodly things.. and especially when he gets the chance to degrade or demean our Savior, Jesus and or God.. and to put forth that they do not exisit ... but those who have had spiritual experiences know differently.. they cannot prove that They do not exist.. Stay strong in faith for those who have not personally seen Jesus.. I testify personally that He lives and luvs U oh.. so dearly and unconditionally.. so so dearly that U cannot even begin to fathom.. I know.. I personally saw Him when I died.. half way down is my precious lifechanging experience.. & I can never be the same again.:.  (This site is protected by sitelock...)
 * Some of the videos/websites I posted may not pull up for U .. open up another window and when they don't just copy and paste them to the extra window U have opened up and it should pull them up.. U can listen to them and then click back onto my website in this window.)

*This website is meant to be non-denominational Christian so I hope that Christians (Or Non-Christians)  from all religions will be uplifted by it and grow closer to God and His most precious Son.. Our Savior, Jesus Christ.... and most of all I hope and pray that you will be inspired to recommit to strive with sincere desires to live the gospel of Jesus, Christ at a higher level: Especially The greatest commandment of all....  Love!! Love, Love!!!
Before U read this, listen to this very special song about luv:

Jesus ourloving Savior introduced the greatest commandment of all: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment and the second is like unto it, namely this: Thou shalt love thy neighbor (Which means every one) as thyself. (Which means U should love urself & ur neighbor with the same unconditional love that Jesus imparts tous remembering
(Most Pics unless mentioned otherwise are through:     that He taught us to despise and
                          abhor the sin yet love the person.)
   Another time He said: Suffer the Children to come unto me, for as such is the kingdom of heaven and Verily I say unto you; Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein & I know that a portion of this statement referred to how quick children are to be sorry, forgiving, forgetting, turning right around forgetting many negative things & they will continue loving you despite negative times.. (Well at first anyway.. too many negative times, void of love & kindness & we will teach them to be negative, angry with us, or to withhold love if this is the way we are continually treating them..  Just an important thought for any parent: When you raise your children in Christ, Jesus, with positive parenting & being an example of constantly showing forth love, especially unconditional & Christlike love during the times your child may turn against your ways or may be doing things wrong and making wrong choices.. especially if they are accidental or not knowing, then you are more apt to produce a child with these same loving Christlike attributes. *Learn more on my JesusHelpMe RazeaFamily page.)
Jesus also told us as stated in another scripture to: Love one another as I have loved you.. by this shall men know that ye are my disciples when ye have love one to another.. So here we are actually admonished to love everyone as Jesus has loved us, which is with His most incredible,  beautiful, joyful, unconditional & perfect love.. (Unconditional; Though despising sin, loving the sinner no matter what they may have done. Wow! If everyone loved everyone as the Savior loves all of us.. Just imagine where the world situation could be today... above & beyond.. Truly a heaven on earth!)
Another time He three times asked a question that could be asked of all of us as He was speaking to one of His disciples, Peter BarJona: John 21:17 He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Yea, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee! Then Jesus reiterated even a third time, meaning if you truly love Me then:  Feed my sheep.  We could interpret "My sheep" as those who believed in & followed Him, but knowing the Savior personally & from further scripture study, He meant not only His followers, but also anyone & everyone.. Even His lost sheep that He dearly loves which means those that are going astray, choosing satan's worldly world, going against the laws & teachings of God & the Savior Himself..  & He gave the example of shepherd that left his flock of 99 to rescue the one lost sheep which left His protection & safety, His goodness & blessings, His mercy & forgiveness, & His heavenly joy & love... As Jesus asked Peter to be as a Shepherd & feed His sheep, so He desires of us to do the same & to care for more than just those who are living His gospel & are easy to love... He many times taught us to reach out beyond that; to teach, help & love others outside of "His flock".  Jesus desires for us to be His hands & His words & His love when He cannot be there to do so.. He works through mankind many times to care for each one of us that He loves so dearly... And it is so sad when we don't follow though with His promptings & even sadder when we choose to bring upon suffering, sorrow or trials to His "Sheep" meaning not just other members of our religious congregation, but referring to all of mankind..    
     The Apostles also spread the word of this great love of God.. (& when it states God it also refers not just to our Heavenly Father, but our Jesus also & the Holy Ghost I feel: The whole Godhead included) in John 4: 7-8 7-We read: Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God: and everyone that loveth is born of God and knoweth God.. 8-He that loveth not, knoweth not God: For God is love...... 16-God is love: and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God and God in him.. 18-There is no fear in (a Christlike) love, for perfect love casteth out fear.. 20-If a man say: I love God yet hateth his brother (meaning anyone), whom he hath seen ... how can he love God whom he hath not seen.. And this commandment have we from Him: That he who loveth God should love his brother (everyone) also. Ch.5: 1 Whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ is born of God: and everyone that loveth Him that begat, loveth Him also that is begotten of Him.. Also 2- By this we know that we love the children of God when we love God and keep His commandments.... And I want to also add this fifth verse, that though it doesn't mention love it includes the commandment of love, and having the love of Christ with us will definitely help us and give us strength to overcome satan's world. It states: 5-Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God...

This last verse is so true & this scripture refers to believing not just as a way of thinking, but the combination of thought & action combined; This overcoming cannot happen unless we are actively believing in our Savior, Jesus Christ: following His words & His example, living His spiritually empowering, loving commandments & teachings that free us, bring us & others blessings & that bring us closer to God our Father. And believing in Him through serving, giving to & helping others?; For Charity is the pure love of Christ.  I now know personally that striving to obtain Christ's heavenly level of perfect & unconditional love towards the Godhead, ourselves & all mankind is the greatest Heavenly attribute that we can be striving towards obtaining. Also, we are not believing in Christ if we are not following       Picturefrom:    through with His gift of the atonement & seeking His mercy, forgiveness & redemption; & striving to overcome & conquer our natural man that can so easily succumb to the temptations of the evil one: Following through with sincere repentance & reform for the better & striving to become more like Jesus each day.  In the book of Jude, (Who was an apostle & brother to Peter which were both half brothers to Jesus, himself.. Half brothers because their father was Mary's husband Joseph & Jesus' father ofcorse was God himself..) this apostle Jude admonished us to: Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. Thus making us realize that we should seek mercy & repentance through our Lord, Jesus, who is even the true Christ & Savior of all mankind.....
      Our Heavenly Father knew that we would need someone to intervene for our short comings & wrong doings when we are sincerely seeking to ask forgiveness & seek true change, so when His first born (In the spirit & perfected as His Father), beloved Son, Jehovah offered to be the Savior of mankind.. God accepted to part with the Son that He so dearly loved & send Him upon the earth to serve as our Savior, (Even though He sadly knew that He would have to suffer the greatest of excruciating pains.. In John 3: 16 we read: God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son.. That whosoever believeth (used an an action word.. Much more than just the thought only.) in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life..
(If you had a nine year old child that through hitting a baseball to close to a window when he was asked not to play by the window in the first place & sure enough he hit the ball & it broke through a large, very expensive stained glass church window {Yes, this really happened to one person that I read about.}... & U knew that it would take him many years to pay back for the new window & that your child was sincerely sorrowful for breaking it & that he was pleading for sincere forgiveness & that he had sincere desires to never do it again.. & he even said he was willing to pay for it all ... & he expressed that he would always listen to U from then on & do whatever U told him to do {Even though U knew he would not be able to be perfect from that time on with this statement & that there would be more or even many more times he would humanly fall short of ur desires.}, U would have a desire in your heart to help him pay off the window, which U truely knew that he could not pay for himself {At least not until years later when he could get a good paying job.) 
      God wanted to provide this opportunity for us to be forgiven of our downfalls where we desired to ask forgiveness to overcome & come back to His Fathering, & to change for the better, to start again new .. So upon volunteering, He chose His beloved son, Jesus (& not the plan of Lucifer who desired to force everyone of us to choose the right, taking away our precious freedom of choice.) to atone for our Sins..  & our Savior volunteered to come to earth & in the greatest act of love He took upon Himself our sins & the sufferings of all mankind & so great was His suffering that God had to send an angel to come & strengthen, His body & mind (else He would have perished, so great was his pain, suffering & anguish) & His pain & suffering was so great that He bled at every pore great drops of blood.. Now to have this happen to His body alone explains a magnitude & portion of the excruciating pain He was enduring..
     (When I delivered my first baby, when my water broke I started shortly after into labour & for some reason my body went directly into the hard, long transitional contractions of the last stage of labour which also had the most intense pains that develop in the last portion of labour & I went from no pain immediately into horrific pain in a matter of minutes & when I entered the hospital & they hooked me up to the monitoring machines they thought I would be ready to deliver the baby because my contractions & intensity of my pain was so long & intense, at the last transitional stage and level.. but then they found out I was only dilated at seven & for about two hours longer I had these most intense transitional contractions {Along with the intense pain} & then they died down finally so that the rest of my labour was much easier compared to the transitional pains which only returned for about 20 minutes near the end of my delivery.. but the pain was so intense at the beginning that tiny drops of blood began to form in each of my pores upon my face & other sections of my body.. & as my husband brought a mirror to me to look at them.. I began to cry outloud as I remembered that my Savior's pain was so great that He bled at every pore in His body, even great drops of blood & I cried profusely & told the Savior in prayer how sorry & heartsick I was that He had to suffer so much pain for my sins & because of what I had been enduring it was so much more heartfelt & sincere..
     Since that time I have had many more experiences where I have had to endure great pain & suffering & each time it has brought me closer to the Savior & I feel as any suffering that you or I have to endure is opportunity for us to reflect on the great suffering that our Savior endured for us.. & it is a great opportunity to ask forgiveness & to sincerely from the bottom of our heart to repent & recommit to change & strive to seek to be more Christlike..
     Many lives are changed & brought closer to God and His Son, Christ Jesus during these times of suffering & many miracles happen in the name of our Savior, Jesus... even if it is just the miracle of helping us endure our pains, sufferings or trials & they are not taken from us... And we are suffering just a mineute inkling of what our Savior endured..
. & I want you to know that I have personal testimony that Jesus lived & lives & that the atonement & the Savior's suffering for mankind in the Garden of Gethsemane was very real & true........ & how sad it would be if we turned away from such an incredible gift & did not use or apply it in our lives.)
So when we read that verse five in Chapter five of the book of John which states we can overcome the world if we believe in Christ... It is truth, even more so if the word believe is taken with action & not just the thought..  As we strive to overcome evil through seeking to believe in Christ, seeking to live as & love God & His Son & others, & daily ask forgiveness (from the bottom of our hearts) & often partake of the sacrament which the Lord Himself taught us to do to complete our repentance & to remember Him always.. taking upon us His name.. with goals to continually be striving to overcome & to perfect ourselves as Jesus demonstrated to us in His last supper (Found in the New Testament.)  to repent of our daily weaknesses & sins; sins of omission (Things we fail to do when prompted by God to do them) our short comings, & our many different wrong doings that do so easily beset us & mankind... Christ, Jesus will give us strength to overcome the world (satan's portion of the evil in this world).. And If we do not repent, it is as we are throwing away one of the greatest of gifts that the Savior & God gave us.. And we will also find that during this life & into our lives following death we will end up suffering great sufferings on our own without the aid of our Savior. (Even how great a suffering, you cannot in this earthlife realize. Though It will also be dependent of God's mercy & judgment.. For I was given much mentally, physically, temporally & spiritually.. so much more was required of me in my life & I was given a higher standard & harsher judgment because of it... & So great was my short suffering that words can't even describe it & I would wish it onto no man... not even the vilest.. but.. sadly many have have left earth having to suffer this & much, much worse.. & I am heartsick that any of my brothers or sisters upon the earth would have to suffer such.. So I yearn to warn others through sharing my death experience.. & I yearn to ever thank my God & Savior above for hearing my deepest of pleas to forgive me & allow me to return to earth & give me a second chance at life!!! .)

Jesus expounded more on love when He introduced even a higher, more perfect & Godly concept of love by sharing the parable of the Good Samaritan. Throughout most of His teachings He expounded (Either directly or indirectly) on this more Godly level of love.  In His proceeding words in the scriptures I will share with you He brings up the idea that by following this higher concept of Godly love we will become more as the children of God & more perfect as our Heavenly                 Picturethrough:         Father (& Jesus Himself also) & within them He introduced the concept that we should be striving to become perfect, even as our Father in Heaven is perfect... Another thing that He was trying to address, confront & challenge through these proceeding words were the evil practices which many at this time were choosing to live feeling justified as they put themselves above others & they went about degrading, belittling, hating & treating others wrongly & He was also challenging the cruel, unGodly laws, punishments or just accepted actions that were practiced at the time: Such as a hand being cut off if one stole something, which could even be for stealing a loaf of bread when one was starving.. or of ones eyes being taken from them, or flogging, or challenging the idea of a woman was stoned to death for adultery...  (*Just wondering? Did the man get the same punishment? I don't think he did.) & Jesus was letting those who felt as justice in their personal life or government life should be an eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth was wrong.. Which many considered was brought about by Moses, but I truely & there are others also, feel that Moses & Aron were not the instigators of these cruel laws, but that they were set up following them by men that did not have God with them that were just distorting & taking God's laws to far & turning them on this evil extreme side... This is what it seems as when Jesus shares all of His teachings.. And those who were practicing this; putting oneself above others, hatred, degrading others & taking part in these unGodly laws, punishments, or extreme actions were becoming upset at Jesus for exposing them as being in the wrong & even evil & going against God. They knew deep down that they were in the wrong, but they wanted others to continue to feel as they were in the right & justified for what they were doing... (Most anything Jesus taught & brought up was debasing many at His time that were following satan & not living how they should, & they knew that Jesus was trying to expose them & thus this created a group of people who began to desire that Jesus be imprisoned & they sought to find opportunities to do so & this also eventually led to His unjust imprisonment, treatment & death.. But it was all fulfilling the words of previous prophets of the Old Testament that prophesied concerning the life of the Messiah & Savior of mankind.)  
     In Mathew 5:38-48 in the Sermon on the Mount Jesus taught us: Ye have heard that it hath been said; An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: but I say unto you, that ye resist evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also, and if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also and whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.  Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy, but I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust, for if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? (You can find a similar verse shared by the apostle John in 1 John 2: 9-11 : He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now. He that loveth his brother abideth in the light, and there is none occasion of stumbling in him, but he that hateth his brother is in darkness, and walketh in darkness, and knoweth not whither he goeth, because that darkness hath blinded his eyes.  .(Another scripture to contemplate is: .Speak not evil one of another, brethren. He that speaketh evil of his brother, and judgeth his brother, speaketh evil of the law, and judgeth the law: but if thou judge the law, thou art not a doer of the law, but a judge."
James 4:11)

   Then again in the sermon on the mount He said: 22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: (other scriptures let us know that even if we have a cause to be angry it can be wrong to allow ourselves to become angry & let the evil thoughts that accompany anger overtake us as satan is then with us & God's spirit cannot dwell with us.)  and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.“Raca” is an Aramaic transliteration for “reka,” a term expressing contempt, scorn, or disdain. The Greek word “rhaka” means empty, vain or worthless one, signifying a lack of intellect (i.e. Imbecile or blockhead). It is only found in Matt. 5:22. The Jews used it as a word of contempt. It is derived from a root meaning, "to spit." Think how often men (& women) are guilty of saying such things about one another.. It is very common practice in today's society to think nothing of degrading another person with rudeness, or in satirism in a comical way.. (One of many examples: Think of all of the dumb blond jokes that circulate or how so many jokingly degrade our presidents.)  Our society has sitcom after sitcom now that thrives on lowstandard humor,  degrading so many times over.. I doubt we would find Jesus laughing at most of it.. Then think of how many shows we view where U hear one degrading remark & degrading name calling over & over giving us few examples of how to resolve conflict in a mature, peacable manner void of name calling ... and contemplate how many times over that you hear on T.V., at movies, or their actors on or off screen.. or anyone for that reason taking the Lord's & God's name in vain; It has become one of the most common of name degradation heard repetitively.. and it is because it is our third commandment.. so ofcorse satan works overtime to turn the hearts of men against any commandments...  If only we realized how it is all so seriously going against Jesus' (&God's) teachings.. and there is a price that the individual will have to pay.. as they choose to degrade others... Truely God cannot be with them as they take part & choose a lower standard state of mind & words that injure not just others, but themselves also... 
    As Jesus continues on with His teachings on the Sermon of the mount He gave us great advice of resolving problems with one another that can help restore love & help others avoid very regretful consequences of choosing to remain in anger or at odds with each other. He knew that it can all   lead to much more terrible things when we remain in contention with one another & He knew that it meant that the spirit of God will struggle to be with us if we choose to do so.. so He gave this advice: Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. Agree with thine adversary quickly, whilest thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the Judge and the judge deliver thee to the officer and thou shalt be cast into prison.  Verily I say unto thee; Thou shalt by no means come out thence until thou hast paid the uttermost farthing.. 
In Hebrews 12: 13-15 it supports this idea of making peace also.. and the consequences of not making peace:  And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed.
 Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:
 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;
      And these two scriptures can apply in several ways..  We should strive to keep peace and make peace with our brothers or sisters (which means anyone) for many reasons, but most of all being because in being a peacemaker God's spirit can dwell with us (Also refer to the beatitudes: Blessed are the peacemakers..) and it creates an atmosphere where we can receive direction from God above to guide us through disagreements or times that we have verbally or in someway harmed someone or how to handle things in a Christlike manner if someone has hurt us in any way.. We must be striving to work together for solutions to solve the problem or problems, plus when we don't allow satan's destructive thoughts and actions to be with us and have God's wise thoughts and Christlike words and actions to come forth, it creates an atmosphere where the door of both involved can stay opened up for us to resolve things and for the love of God to still exist and even thrive following, and it is giving opportunity to be humbled and ask forgiveness, or to agree to put differences and bad times behind you and continue in the friendship or relationships...  but if both gives up to satan's destructive selfishness, or pride, or anger, if peace is not kept and a reconciliation or compromise is not made, or especially if you leave with bad or bitter feelings before things are resolved, or especially if one leaves breaking off the relationship and communication altogether, then there becomes the danger where one can choose to embrace the destroying thoughts that satan can put in ones and they then choose to shut out God..and then the offended & the offender can harbor bitter feelings where satan can thrive to put thoughts into our minds or the minds of our adversary, or then enemy to think of maybe even extreme and terrible ways to seek to hurt them or us, either mentally or physically and it may eventually lead us or them to choose some drastic revenge such as the atrocities of revengful happenings that U find in history or even in our curent day news.. which nowa days can lead to prison or even if it doesn't lead to prison can lead to many things almost or just as bad or even that end up becoming the worst of situations leading to murder or suicide.. When we harp on bad things that one has said about us or done to us it can work as a poison within us as satan takes over our thoughts and then actions....
   This is why we must work to resolve things & forgive each other & let a Christlike love prevail.. & these are times that we should be continually having serious prayers in our heart asking God to help us to find ways to resolve things, to have the strength to forgive.. to have the unconditional love of Christ towards that person to overtake us .. to ask for understanding.. & for sympathy or remember that we ourselves have been guilty of the very thing that we many times may accuse others of or that we have been through what others have & pray to God to have the same empathy that we would desire of others..
   And where the other person is not willing to forgive or say that they were sorry.. We can find peace in the fact that we were willing to say that we were sorry & ask forgiveness or that we asked forgiveness or we have done our part if we have strove to find ways to show forth forgiveness... & where possible to continue to find ways to show the person that may not be willing to forgive us that we are serious about our desires to forgive them or to show them that we no longer desire to think of them with ill feelings but to show forth love and the example of the gospel of Jesus Christ.. There have been "enimies" that have desired to change their lives or at least their bitter feelings towards those who have wronged them or who they have wronged.. .. (Sadly we know with times we have wronged others that we may not be able to give total recovery for what we have done, but we may be able to do other great things to show forth that we desire to make things better.....)

Jesus was our ultimate example of love & forgiveness.... After being nailed upon the cross & hanging in agony upon the cross... & being mocked He plead to His Heavenly Father: "Father, forgive them... for they know not what they do.." My cousin wrote a special song about how Jesus Forgave: Here is another beautiful one that she wrote on Forgiving... You Forgave by Soulise:  Click on the song: He Forgave when U get to her site..
      It is so critical to take advantage of our Lord's gift of redemption and to forgive us.. and He was the ultimate example that we must forgive others.. even our enemies.. Many times they who have hurt us in some way realize not what they do or they realize not the extent of suffering          Picfrom:       that it will bring upon us (or someone else) & we must remember to forgive & let God take care of that person.. For he will be the ultimate fair judge & at times these people who have committed a horrific thing or has had horrific, terrible things happen to them as a child or adult..  God will judge them differently... One example: The innocent children that are stolen by these evil, radical groups, that are then abused       (even sexually over & over & beaten over & over) & then are brain washed over & over in their minds to hate those they will be fighting & to many misguiding unChristlike thoughts... & they see many terrible acts of violence & are treated terribly.. Now when it comes their time to kill other innocent people & to sacrifice themselves as suicide bombers... I know that God will judge them differently..
     We can let go and let God take over.. and our past traumas that we have endured, or our past sins, troubled hearts, or bitter burdens can then begin to be on the way to repair, lightened, or even healed and taken away. Through us doing our part and with the help of God, His Son and the comfort of the Holy Ghost we can rid our minds of the torments of the past and be given peace and replacing thoughts of unconditional love towards our offenders and all mankind and we can begin to once more experience the incredible joy that one can have with them when the Savior is near and dear in our souls and minds............

How Deep the Father's Love For Us....

Here is a precious song about the all that Jesus endured for us:

Here is another precious song that will help you prepare to read my death experience:

And now I want this to lead into an account of my most incredible, yet most sorrowful death experience: And yes... it was all very real.... I really did die...                and Jesus really lives!!!
 (.. Yes .. When asked if I could share this with others I was told "Yes" and that the spirit will let me know when.. I had an overwhelming feeling that I should share this in a website but had some trepidation, but then it was whispered to me that "You should put it at the end of the page and for those of who have read this far.. you are meant to read my experience.." but I beg of you to not proceed to read it unless Heavenly Father's Spirit it with you.. and you have uninterrupted time.. free from the cares of the world... and Remember that because of your background.. you may not be in agreeance of some things ...and also remember that if you have not had profound spiritual experiences before.. that doesn't prove that they don't happen or aren't real or that God does not exist...  .. I want you to know that I know that Jesus lives and is our Savior.. and because of the most precious spiritual experiences I have had in my life.. (Two other times having died also and having had several other major healing experiences ... and several other profound experiences involving our Savior, Jesus Christ.) that I know.. and have no need to believe in faith, not ever seeing as many need do, but I know.. and never ever ever could I denie his existance and that He is our Savior.. or I tremble in fear at the thought of what terrible future beyond this earthlife would happen to me.. No.. I cannot deny it... and I want you to know  that this is the truth of my experience...  I just pray that you can learn from my experience and turn to God with all of your heart, mind might and strength and not be living a "luke warm" life... as I before was... .. And remember that no matter what you have done.. you can begin to turn ur heart back to God and His Son, our Savior.. For He even forgave Saul (the Apostle Paul.. that was responsible for the death of many goodly saints and followers of Christ.. and He forgave the woman at the well and the woman that was going to be stoned for adultry.. He can forgive you ... if you turn your heart to Him and our Father in Heaven.. OUR SAVIOR IS REAL... AND HIS MERCY AND REDEEMING GRACE ARE REAL!!! TURN TO HIM AND LIVE!!! BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.... )

2 Corithians 1: 9-But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God and Jesus which raiseth the dead: Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver: in whom we trust.... that He will yet (in the future forgive us and) deliver us.

     I have been more than extremely blessed to feel the incredible, indescribable love of our Savior during several incidents in my life where He manifested himself to me, but the most powerful and recent experience that I had with Him and His most exquisite love was experienced when I died one night from the combination of being in my paralyzing deep REM sleep and from my ceasing to breath due to my sleep apnea that I had been suffering with for about a year..
    As it happened, memories flooded through my mind of the time I almost drowned to death when I was about seven, and yet it was void of my bodies desperation to keep my head above water.... and I remember thinking over and over in probably a three to five minute period: "You've got to take in a breath now or you will die! Breath now!! Breath now or die!!! but at this time I had no power to breath, nor to move, nor to wake up to breath or to wake up my husband sleeping next to me and my mother was not nearby to rescue me as she had when I was drowning.... and I could not even move one muscle in my body to follow through with my desperation to breath..  and it did bring my life to an abrupt end as it has for many who do not wake up from their sleep. And we often think that it would be a peaceful way to die, yet for me it was by no means a peaceful passing as the desperation to breath gave me a terrible, painful feeling and a most panicky, frenzied, frightened mind.. so I think many do suffer as they pass on in their sleep.. but I think that the good thing about it is that their suffering is probably very short lived....... 
    Upon death my spirit then peeled away lifting itself from my body and I remember very distinctly my spirit then hovering over my body assessing the situation:  The light of our clock was illuminating my body and I noted that my chest was not rising up and down with each breath and I knew without doubt that I was indeed dead and I remember saying very matter of factually to myself: "U are dead now... It is the end of your life on earth. U will not be waking up to greet another morning."  and after thinking that all of the sudden an overwhelming grief entered my mind and I remember having such sorrow at the fact that I would no longer be there to care for my two children that remained home (Then 14 and 16 and the last home out of my five children), and then I gazed upon my handicapped husband and remembered feeling such a deep love for him and feeling so sad for him knowing that no one would care for him to the extent that I had; With a deep, devoted, love, which was filled with much understanding and empathy of the pains and frustrations that he was enduring as when I was age 28 three out of six year period I had been practically totally bedridden with a very similar situation after delivering my third child because I ruptured disk in my lower back during the disaster delivery.. and I was so limited for about six years as to what I could and couldn't do.. (For the first eight months I was practically so bedridden that I had to often use the bedpan.). Thank God, I found a way to get better, but sadly just after I became better my dear husband had his injury that has so many times debilitating to him..   So I was in the position to understand and have empathy for much that my dear husband was enduring and I thought of how grieved and depressed he would be having to live without me, so I worried greatly for his welfare and I remember being heartbroken to leave him..
   Shortly after this moment I was then transferred to an area of which seemed as an extreme black void filled with nothing, yet I realized there was a dim light penetrating the blackness and I finally realized upon lifting one of my hands that the light was radiating from my spirit.. (There was an account one time that a friend told me that one of her friends had where he was in a plane crash and he remembered gazing upon the back end of the plane that was in flames in horror as many were screaming as they were being engulfed in flames and all of the sudden his spiritual eyes were open and he experienced heavenly spirits coming down from above to escort those who were dying and he saw the spirits of the dead leave their bodies and being escorted upward and he paid attention that each spirit that left their body was at a different level of brightness.. and he knew within his heart that the brighter spirits were those who were living a more righteous life of goodness and he was able to escape and survive the crash.. but from then on he had such a strong determination that when it was his time to leave the earth that he wanted to be one of the bright spirits filled with much goodness.. So each day he strives to live as much as the Savior as he can.....

      Now shortly following looking at my hand, all of the sudden far above me to my right a very small beam of light began to penetrate the extreme darkness.. Then it opened up only a bit more, but the light was so overwhelming that it took a bit before my eyes adjusted to the extreme light..  Once my eyes adjusted I was able to view some heavenly habitation and a group of spirits that were surrounding one brilliantly lit personage..  and as my eyes were able to focus even more, as if opening the door of a hot oven where the heat pours out upon you quickly and  overwhelming, this             Picturefoundthrough:     most powerful blast of incredible love and joy started to engulf me and penetrate my whole soul at the same time I began to realize that the most brilliant light was my Savior, Jesus Christ.  He was radiating this most, incredible, heavenly, beautiful, wonderful, divine, exquisite joy, light and love that equaled no other here upon the earth, nor can the depth of it sufficiently be described by earthly words ..( And words cannot describe that joy that was in my soul at the expectations that I would be entering such a heavenly place to be able to dwell with my Savior and other heavenly beings, friends or relatives that had passed on before.. Especially my dear grandmother that was my dearest friend ever in my life and my most dear mother that was truely above other women when it came to being Christlike.. A woman that I will never begin to equal..)    Here is a beautiful song about the Perfect Love that Jesus imparts to us... No matter what wrongs we have done in life... His love is unconditional.. (Remembering that He does not support, but despises the evil that we can be caught up in..)

  Very shortly after the small window of paradise was opened up to my view a  tunnel of light began to work it's way down through the darkness towards me. (The darkness was not as dark at this time due to the illumination of paradise.)  The tunnel of light was preceded by some heavenly being that within the tunnel of light was not clear to me as it descended but it was a very bright white light with sparkly dust swishing about the form of a being.. and it reminded me of a time when a white street light was shining on the falling snow making it all glittery like, but when it arrived and stood before me it was no longer swirling white sparkles (Picfromweb: but in a clear human, spirit form that I will refer to as an angel: 
     The angel's spirit radiated with great light, (Yet nothing to equal the brilliant light of our Savior). He was a handsome, manly man that was dressed in an a most illuminating white robe with his chest partially showing and he had most pure white hair, yet he was younger and not old. He had a most beautiful, happy countenance and heavenly spirit about him and he put out his hand to greet me with a hand clasp or shake which gave me the incentive to extend my hand to do the same... but at the moment he took my hand.. he then drew his hand immediately away from me as if he had been electrically shocked by touching me.. and then his countenance changed to a very serious state as he began to gaze with a deep, almost hypnotic state into my eyes .. and as he did so it was as he was retrieving information from my mind.. it was so penetrating that I could feel it happening.. and this went on for an uncomfortable, brief pause of maybe 10 seconds.. Then he made a very sorrowful announcement something like: "You are not worthy to be in the presence of the Lord.. You are guilty of evil speaking of others and of speaking guile....". 
     I stood there staring at him in silence and shock for a moment.. Then I began to swell up with a sick feeling and became overwhelmingly distressed about what he stated and I blurted out desperatly in my defense with a strong, defiant, voice as tears poured down my face... "This cannot be right!!! I never committed any major sin and I was a good person that went about doing much good on earth!!!  This cannot be right!!"
Then the angel was silent and did not respond to my heartsick statement, but instead he chose to have me view for myself direct reminders from my life on earth and it was during these incidents that rushed through my mind that the angel then commented and expounded on many of them.... All of the sudden I was put in a state of trans as maybe over 100 negative times from my life on earth (Only since our last move as before that I was living a much higher life.) began to rush through my brain... (It was just like shown in the movie "The Christmas Carol" where Scrooge was looking on viewing portions of his past as if he were actually there..{Strive to see it or read it if you haven't as it's message is very true and the book was inspired by God.. Also read Luke 16:19-31.} )
    Now I was shown times where I was joining in with rude comments, putdowns, or angry words or even yelling. Maybe twenty times I was shown where I was arguing with my children here and there. Now they were initiating most of these times saying degrading things to me first, but then eventually I gave in and started to say some degrading things right back to them. And then probably about thirty times were shown to me where I was arguing with my husband and I chose to yell at him and at times, even swear once in a while and degrade him at the level he was I, and there were a few times shown me where I was the instigator of the degrading situation and I immediately lashed out in angry words and took no thought to control my words or anger but let it quickly swell up in me and the rude words rushed out.
Many times I wasn’t saying bad things, sometimes they were even good & constructive, but I was saying them with such anger and raising my voice and so my Heavenly Father’s spirit could not be with me or my husband. I can say that most of these incidences were during the time that my husband fell into his great depression for a few years after loosing hope to overcome his severe back problems and realizing that they were here to stay… My husband who had most always been this incredible, loving, kind, fun, even awesome husband, father and spiritual giant for about 18 years was being tested with his constant pains and these were dark days for him as there were many times he was giving in to satan's way of thinking instead of the Lords.. {Now, though he still has times that he reverts back to these terrible depression days, thank God they are far apart and very short lived now adays when they happen..  He still suffers more than ever before with his back pain and now since then he also suffers from terrible asthma and pneumonia, swelling and ulcerated legs and terrible upper back and neck pain from being in an upright position most of the night with his head jarred forward.… but now there are so many more times that he turns his heart to God instead of the dwelling on thoughts that satan sends him..})
      Now during this viewing of portions of my life the angel took the time to comment on separate or groups of situations that I was being shown. The angel spoke to me about anger and about how we have a choice to become angry or not and how we cannot blame our anger on someone else. We choose to respond to someone in a calm loving concerned for their welfare, showing forth understanding and love, desiring to help someone, mature Christlike manner or we can choose to let anger swell within us and respond with selfish, belittling, hurtful, degrading thoughts, words or actions; letting satan’s hate swell within us, forgetting any love we have towards that person. The angel said that if you truly feel a Christlike love for that person you wouldn’t become angry with them and you could feel a love for them as you were corresponding with them even if they were being hurtful or rude to you. (I will give you not exact words at times but some general ideas relayed to me.)
     (I remembered times when I felt an overwhelming love for my husband even when he was hurling degrading words at me so I knew what the angel was telling me was true. We should also understand that satan is with them if they are coming over degrading and angry towards us and that it is not just the person that we are dealing with but in reality satan also and we need to not let satan suck us into his vortex of anger and evil speaking.
    Many times we are arguing with someone who seems to have satan on their shoulder, or  we can end up allowing ourselves "to have satan on our shoulder" being ready to choose to turn our mind and tongue over to satan or his hosts and when these times begin to escalate to such it is ten times harder to pull out of them and they can get worse and worse and many times even a small menial thing can be turned into a major crisis..
When possible learn to not even begin to let things escalate by saying something like: “We are just going to hurt each other and not accomplish anything when we communicate in this angry state.. Let’s talk about it later when we can work it out in a way that will help us and not destroy the love (or friendship) we have for each other.. When we have satan with us we'll just make things worse.... We need Heavenly Father with us to help us through this time..”  and then if needed walk away from the situation into another room or it may even be necessary to leave your home or wherever you are for a time..
There have been times that I take a walk with my dog.. or drive up and walk around the sacred temple grounds ... or I go and fiddle hymns or play beautiful spiritual songs on my violin by this river... {Nature & heavenly music bring me back to God quickly...}  It helps within your home if you start singing religious songs or put on some religious reverent music on your CD player or computer when their is anger or contention or heavenly Father's spirit leaves... {Satan & his hosts flee many times when religious music is sung or played.. }
   During times like this we need to be having thoughts, words and actions worthy of having Heavenly Father with us to deal with this person and satan. When there are disagreements or miscomunications or mistakings of each other.. or with our downfalls and wrong choices or with any trial that we have with another.. these are the times that we need the spirit of the Lord and His love and the love for the person whom we are having the runin or miscomunication with us the very most... The angel strove to set this very clear that we need to not let satan get us angry or take away the great feeling of love for that person as we communicate with them.. even though they may be saying things that the worldly man may think justify being upset and angry and justify coming over degrading and yelling.. Don't let satan lure you into these lies... It is an unGodly way to communicate and it hinders things being resolved when Heavenly Fathers spirit cannot be there to help you resolve things but instead satan's spirit takes over both persons and then he creates things to escalate and become even worse.. so worse that we have even seen it many times on the news that it can even lead to fighting and death.. 
The majority of times during these situations that we choose to have satan with us... and have him on our side we know that it will just make the situation worse instead of better... I gave you a long, drawn out almost unrealistic response to say.. but it truly is what needs to be said .. unless you have no choice but to be with each other.. There are just times when you need to walk away from the battle with a similar response.. otherwise satan can make things even worse and you can say things that you really regret and it can lead to things that you really regret......
    {I tell people that there are many times that goodly saints are fighting for righteous causes with satan on their shoulder.. We have got to be so careful not to do this... There are many good things that we can defend ourselves in.. but once we allow love to leave.. anger to swell within us and especially belittling or degrading words.. Satan is with us and God must leave .. With so many things in life.. satan can so easily sneak his thoughts into our minds or the minds of others: In Ephesians 6:12  we read:
For we wrestle not flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spirits of wickedness in high places.  Read the awesome following verses also when you get the time..} Now These weren’t the angel’s exact words but these were the ideas he relayed to me. 
     Now I was also shown times where I was joining in with women who were making degrading comments about a couple of women in our church, ones of which others were also having difficulties with at times and I was also shown a few times where I was going along with a member or members that were speaking ill of a very young bishop that some in our congregation were struggling with the 3rd year we moved here (By his third, fourth and fifth year he blossomed into this wonderful bishop... There were a couple of years that this belittling and negative speaking was effecting the brother and sisterhood and love of much of our congregation and it was hard for Heavenly Father’s spirit to be with us. Even outsiders who joined us could  feel this contention and loss of Heavenly Father’s spirit. Thank God we all overcame this time and after about two or three years of "striving" to improve things much of the criticism ceased and the love of God once more returned.. but it took several times of having our higher up church leaders intervening and addressing the congregation..)
I am also reminded of the scripture also:  For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.  Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away and also in James Ch. 3 Where it speaks of having an evil tongue: And these words of Jesus’ apostles are so true. Evaluate feelings when you are angry. Do you feel God is with you? God has left you and you have allowed satan to enter in.. )
    Now during this earthly review I also remember even being shown something I rarely participate in as I am one to only watch the very last two minutes of a game if it is a rival game involving my favorite team and if the score is close and nothing more. Sadly for my husband I am just not very much into sports. I was only shown one incidence concerning sports, but I feel it left me with a very important message that all sports fans need to hear. I was shown a time that I was watching a basketball game with my son and husband and I made a degrading comment that went along with a previous, rude put down which my husband and son gave a player that wasn’t playing well. I remembered my reaction and thoughts very well while viewing this situation that was being reviewed.  I remember letting out what I will call one short sorrowful, yet humorous chuckle, thinking: “Wow! Most every sports fan and team member on earth may be ousted from paradise with this judgment alone with how they are many times degrading players and wishing ill on the other team. The angel had no need of making a responsive comment for it filled my mind that the same rules and advice given to anger, degrading words and evil gossip and the same commandment of loving thy neighbor, all applied just as well to being a good, uplifting, Christlike sports fan and team player.
   The angel told me that one should never speak of others in hatred, anger, with belittling or degrading words, or making fun of them, or speak ill (I will add rudely, sarcastically or satiristicly) of someones wrongdoings or faults, or downfalls because Heavenly Father's spirit cannot be with them when they do so... He said that, where possible we should only speak somberly of ones downfalls, ill happenings, wrong choices or actions if it is done without anger, hatred, degrading, belittling remarks (and I will add with satirism or the rude joking that exists so much in todays society.). He also brought thoughts of only speaking of others if it is shared as an example to understand what one has gone through or endured, if it is done with desires to learn for ourselves to never choose that persons wrong actions so we will not endure the same negative consequences and fall into satan's grasps.. and in some situations if we share negative things about others it should be done with intent to find ways to help that person rise above, or overcome their problems or weaknesses or to help them turn their hearts back to God and with great desires in our hearts to uplift and strengthen that person, or to pray for that brother or sister and their situation.. and it should only be done or said with feelings of a deep love and concern for that person, (Even with people who have committed very evil things.) The angel said that I should have followed Christ's example of unconditional love; That I should feel a deep sorrow for my heavenly brother or sister that I should love dearly that was choosing to make wrong choices that may be destroying or bringing much suffering upon themselves and others and that may be keeping them from living in heaven one day with their Father in Heaven.
Now not all of these are not the exact words of the angel, but the ideas that he was pouring into my mind here and there throughout my mindrush of wrongdoings... Truly these are more loving, caring, sorrowful outlook to have even towards anyone and even the worst of persons. (Remember the scripture that all heaven mourned the day that satan and his followers were cast from heaven.. Why? Because they loved them all so dearly.. We should all feel that way towards our own children that fall and go astray and feel even the same unconditional love and sorrow of spiritual loss for anyone, even our enemies as the scriptures states, or those who are hurting you would be an ultimate test of Christlike love.. and to remember if you choose to stay with hatred in your heart... satan is happily waiting to assist you in turning your whole soul over to his dark side..
  Sadly.. we have too many of these examples inside our prisons.. Because of so many of our youth are being brought up into adulthood with our entertainment industry glamorizing witchcraft, evil, degradation, belittling, fighting, extreme violence, sex, alcohol, drugs and murder.. through
gaming, music, sports, the clothing industry, gambling, advertising, TV. movies, computer. ect... More than ever before we are setting up our children.. but especially our boys.. with bleak futures of committing crimes that will put them in prison.. or even worse.. turn their hearts and minds from God and to satan's dark side.  When a T.V. special said that one out of every 35 persons in the U.S. have committed a crime.. That is just an unreal.. unacceptable amount!! We have got to change something... and the change is in turning back to God and living His high standard commandments which bring us freedom from satan and his sufferings that we bring upon ourselves, that are all for our wellbeing and happiness, and that are truely based on love from a loving Father.. in heaven..
    If everyone followed the commandment of love.. Think where the world would be today.. Satan would have no power over us indeed.. This will happen when Jesus our Savior comes to reign on earth..)
       So then my mindrush of wrongdoings ended..
(I am leaving out maybe half of them as I couldn't remember them all... )
            After these life experiences were shown to me I knew that I was not worthy to be in God’s presence.. and I realized that it was futile to plead or contend likewise and even a greater than heartsick feeling overcame me as the angel began to continue to bring forth more reasons why I was not worthy to enter paradise..

The angel then continued to tell me several profound things; He told me that I was not shown times that I had truly repented of. That they had not truly been repented of for several reasons: It was either because I had been asking forgiveness over and over for the same thing (such as yelling or allowing myself to become angry quickly) and I was choosing the same wrong response over and over and was making little or no effort to improve how I was handling these situations or I was not forgiven because of times that I had continued on with life and just had personally dismissed asking God for forgiveness from the situation at all, or they were times that I had not followed through with asking forgiveness from the person themselves that I had offended with my anger, harsh words, yelling. unkind actions, or there were times I even had no intent to ask for forgiveness from these persons. Though I knew it was wrong to belittle and gossip, I had not intentions to go to these people and to embarrass myself or to have myself look bad by telling them what I had done and by asking their forgiveness when I know I should have.. And the angel told me that I shouldn’t have partaken of the sacred sacrament or attended the temple until I had personally gone to these people and asked of their forgiveness with a sincere heart and it reminded me of Jesus’ words in Mathew 5: 23 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar (The gift could be a repentant heart or reference to the altar in the temple.) and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar and go thy way;  be reconciled to thy brother, then come and offer thy gift.
(Now, though there are the times I do ask forgiveness to those who I argue with {Which is just my children and husband}, I literally never thought to ask forgiveness of the bishop or sisters in our congregation that I had spoken ill of, I just thought that it was enough to ask forgiveness of God on Sunday when it came time to partake of the sacrament. I failed to realize that there were times He would not forgive me if I had not finished my portion of the repentance. In the gospel and the scriptures we are taught to personally go to the person and ask their  forgiveness and apologize to them when possible then "strive" to overcome our weakness or imperfection in my case to not be so angry or rude again and try to make restitution where possible. To practice self mastery and to communicate in a more loving, kind, Christlike manner, as spoken about during my viewing of earthly situations the angel once more reminded me that I can have control and choice to not let myself become angry or utter unkind words… And After my death experience I did personally go to these three people and confess to them and I was told to share a portion of my death experience and it ended up being a wonderful thing.. Then from the bottom of my heart I was truly, truly sorrowed for what I had done.... I truly, truly cried and remorsed and asked a deep, very heartfelt repentance and asking God and my Savior forgiveness.. and I truly, truly have been striving to never speak ill of others in the wrong manner and instead to remember and think of others weaknesses in the way the angel told me and in the way Jesus taught me in the Bible... and because of it all I have changed for the better.. and I have a better relationship with these people and I love them so dearly now and I know that by talking things out with them I gave them also more of an opportunity to change and grow from their weaknesses and I have seen this awesome change in them for the better...)
      Sadly there are times that some of the unkind words or gossip may never be able to be repaired.. And some or all of the damage may end up being permanent and lasting.. And restitution may never be possible to make.. It is extremely sad when others may have to suffer, maybe even throughout their whole life because of others wrong words or actions and it is even much sadder if the gossip we are sharing is not true at all and that person is belittled and suffering for something he or she never even did..  or maybe it actually happened or they are guilty of doing something but there is more information of why they actually made that choice and if we knew we would never want to gossip that information in a way to make the person look bad but instead speak of the incident in a more loving understanding way.. None the less.. So many things should be left unsaid..  I still agree with the old saying that my mom used to share with me and my brothers and sisters often: "If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all." Of course this isn't always possible ... and in today's world we have to be more careful than ever before.. teaching our children to beware and be leary of others.. But... pray about it in your heart.. the spirit will let you know when and how you can share information about others.. And be so aware of times the spirit will leave you when you are coming over the wrong way about someone or something... If it is not brought forth in the way the angel told me.. or Jesus tells us ... It can not only hurt other people, but yourself also..
I had one sister in our church tell me that my mom was an angel.. (Something I already knew..) She said that if the sisters were ever in the middle of saying something negative about someone my mom would always start saying some positive wonderful things about them.. Or the woman told me that there were times she would come right out and say.. "Sisters.. lets not gossip.. I love that sister and I think we shouldn't judge her.." or she said that if my mom was coming their way and they were saying something negative .. they would say quickly .. "Change the subject sisters.. Rea is coming.." Yep.. My mom was an angel in so many ways.. Many will tell you this.. a very sweet, precious heart.. and I yearn to be with her up in paradise and heaven.. so that's another reason why I need to make sure I never gossip, or yell, or let myself get angry again.. (Things my mother rarely did in her entire life.) so I can be worthy to live with her and my dear grammy, and many precious relatives also, up in heaven.. (Well! I Leaving out my dearest Savior which is my dearest desire to dwell with!!) I was so blessed to have the mother that I had.. I love her so dearly!!.
   We've got to remember that sometimes gossip can get back to the person and give them desires to give up hope on life, leave their religion or go inactive or even turn from God.. We've heard of many different variations of where gossip or speaking ill of others, whether truth or not can end up destroying an individual.. Even leading that person to suffer greatly mentally, or so much humiliation that they may even desire to commit suicide to end the humiliation or to seek revenge.. as an eye for an eye which can take things overboard in retaliation and can even lead to satan taking over completely as they are even lead to thinking that murder is their only  solution or retrobution...
. So, so, sadly, some of the shooting sprees of students or individuals that had their feelings so hurt by other students who  were humiliating them and spreading much evil about them, which may have been true, but sadly some are outright lies or spread out of context.... and they reached a breaking point and then chose revenge in a murderous way.. . Very sad and heartsickening indeed.......  We have got to greatly consider the effect we leave on others when we degrade or belittle, or make fun of, even if we may be sharing information that is true... We should never have a desire within us to make other feel badly or God cannot be with us.. and satan takes over.. and!!! we will have to account to God for our words and actions.. and unless truly repented of and overcome in this lifetime.. and even then I feel as there may still be some form of suffering or recompense in the life after this.. We'll see.. God can indeed extend mercy and forgive.. but there are some situations where He cannot keep us from enduring the consequences of our choices.. For instance.. I have a friend that was injured greatly from an accident that he had while driving drunk during his reckless teen years.. It helped him turn his heart back to God.. and God forgave him of his reckless past.. but He did not heal him and restore the leg that he lost.. He has to still live with that consequence every day... The same would have happened if he ended up crashing into an oncoming car and killing the mother and child in it... The father may forgive him and the mother and child in heaven may forgive him and if all of his repentance were deep and sincere our father in heaven may forgive him.. but he will still have to live with the fact that he indirectly was responsible for the deaths.. and that will always be with him.. This is a true story.. the thing is that through our God and Jesus redemption and the comfort of the Holy Ghost.. miracles of forgiveness can turn things and lives around.. and if this boy seeks God and His righteousness and seeks to help others and seeks to spread the word of God... So God and His Son, our Savior can work through him.. then out of tragedies.. there are times that the souls of some of the perpetrators end up being saved as they truely plead for forgiveness and turn their hearts back to God... and goodness can come forth.. and the lost peoples lives may not be in vain....
      ofcorse I feel heartsick for those who have lost their lives... but...I also feel heartsick in cases like those who finally loose it after they have been enduring bullying, being made fun of, ridiculed, or publicly degraded, or even humiliated with damaging gossip which at times can be filled with inaccuracies or even filled with lies at times.. and I wonder what they may have been enduring before they lost it and came to that tragic decision to take the lives of others.. and I am heartsick that they had to endure that humiliation which was sometimes even, beatings or sexual molestation.. and so sad that they had strayed from God or at times was never even brought up knowing of God and His Son, or I am saddened that the perpetrator lost God and His guidance, strength, hope, and answers to overcome their problems.. yet of course I despise the sin that he chose..
So many times we just don't have all of the information or a person's background and upbringing to judge the individual.. but God knows all and He and His helpers will be just yet at times merciful as they will know all....  Though there are times that we have to make assessments and judgments of others .. sadly too many times we can get them wrong.. In our Judicial system they strive to get it right.. but too many times there may be lack of information or they can't really tell if the person is lying or they don't know the true intent of the person on a subject for true evaluation, or others are misinformed or outright lying about the person up for trial.... or there are witnesses, those who evaluate information, lawyers or even jury members and judges that are outright paid or rewarded to lie about things or twist things and the person is convicted wrongly.... We've heard it all happen with many.. and know that it does happen..  and all of this can bring up the subject of judging others... and at this point instead of writing about it I will hope that you will research the word Judge or judgment in your Bible... Scripture study is an awesome thing..) 
    P.S. Sorry I became so caught up on this subject, but I feel it is so important to expound more on... And there are so, so, so many times that I here people in or out of religions.. gossiping, judging or speaking ill of others.. and it is just wrong.. and my death experience taught me even more so how wrong it is and how we will be held accountable for it..  We don't have the love for that person when we are talking ill or degrading of them and we also cannot have Heavenly Father's spirit to be with us if one is spoken of in the wrong manner... So many are guilty of this.. even inside religion where it should not exist as followers of Jesus Christ..... Jesus (and His apostles) speak against it also in the scriptures .. and it is a means of deteriorating and destroying love.. that greatest of commandments.....
     Following the angel speaking to me of things I had not truely repented of he then used words similar to scripture in Rev. 3:15,16, as he told me a profound thing that was so true: “You were not striving with all of your heart, might and mind to live the gospel of Jesus Christ. You were living a lukewarm life, therefore the Lord will spue you out.”
Now I knew he was speaking the truth because during my bad back years that we were stationed in Italy, Utah, England and San Antonio, I  had been living at such a higher, more Christlike level and was so much closer to my Heavenly Father; Striving to give and help more, striving to create more wonderful family times, (and we had no T.V. during these years to sidetract us and bring satan's worldly, world into our lives so we had so much more quality family times together and got out and had so many activities together.. {Well.. not the first three years that I was bedridden so much.. but after that in England and San Antonio}). We were striving to pray more often together and individually, read the scriptures and religious books more, striving with strong desires to serve the Lord and help others with more guidance from Heavenly Father and striving to have more selfmastery & self control through my trials pains and concerning my imperfections and because I was “striving” to live the gospel, God, Jesus, the Holy Ghost and even heavenly angels and deceased ancestors were all with me so much more and I experienced many more spiritual experiences and God’s spirit rarely left me, it was so very rare that it was such a major experience if His spirit was not with me and I would imediatly make things right so I could once more feel of His glorious spirit.... but since our last move there became increasingly more and more times where the spirit of the Lord was not with me.. Why because I and my family started to not live the gospel of Jesus Christ to its fullest... We bagan to allow television in our home and  we started to vere away from the high standard, uplifting religious programing that at first we chose as anything other seemed offensive to our spirits, why.. because the spirit of God was with us more often then and the least bit of lower standards on T.V or in the movies were very obviously offensive to us., but then we started to waste our precious time and allow regular viewing of game shows then we slid into a sitcom that had higher standards but we noticed that the more it went on the lower and lower the standards became.. but we didn't turn the channel...little by little satan brought us down accepting lower and lower standards (and yet I will say that we did still stick with having somekind of standards with viewing.. as we strove to not watch violent viewing or did not put up with sexual viewing and lude joking.. but no matter.. satan through those at us with commercials on regular TV that were violent and sexual in hopes that you would watch another violent program or buy the immodest dress or strive to become more worldly and keep up spending on the latest gadget.. For eight years we had no T.V. and it was so nice to have all of that worldly junk out of our lives.), and since having my husband enter into his degrading depression we began to live a life of low standard communication and degrading when he became so easily upset and I would join in with him at times at first with the intent of wanting to have him feel how he was hurting me, but then I started here and there to stoop down to his level of degrading words and of corse God could not be with either of us then.. (Thank God his depression only lasted about four years as he became extremely depressed once he realized his back pain was here to stay.. and instead of turning to God most days out of the week he seemed to have satan on his shoulder.. Thank God he did come out of this deep depression.. but it was because he finally turned his heart and mind back to God..) then we started to have difficulties with teenagers here and there due to not living the gospel to it's fullest and I and my family little by little began to live a lower standard, half hearted,” lukewarm” life. Living the gospel one moment then choosing the world, contention and satan the next.. And thus we ended up not “striving”to live the gospel of Jesus Christ at the high daily level that we used to;
     We stopped having regular scriptures, family prayer and family Home Evening and times together as a family (Mostly because my husband could not join us outside of the house very often because of his bad back). We started to have more and more worldly influences with us as we began to watch more and more television, videos and DVD’s, and our children played lower standard electronic games at their friends homes. (We only allowed high level educational computer brain games & one rated E basketball game.)  And we served others less and because we were missing out on this regular spiritual strength we started to have more contention within our home. It seems so simple and yet so hard to follow this basic philosophy at times: You choose to live the gospel, God will be with you.. You choose not to live the gospel, satan can so easily take over. We weren’t living the gospel often enough to be strengthened against satan and his hosts and it was bringing our whole family down..
    (I feel that the last twelve years as my husband once more turned towards God, that Heavenly Father was with us more often, but we never returned to the high level of daily gospel living that we did before we moved to Utah and so spiritual strength was lost that our children, I and my husband all needed to live to have God with us as often as he was previously. I feel we have lost so much strength in not having daily scripture study.)                                    
       Another important thing that the angel told me was that I was being judged at a higher level than others were because I had been given so much during my time on earth, so more was expected of me.. (Another statement found in the scriptures.) It was so true! I was greatly blessed mentally, physically, financially, talent wise and spiritually throughout my life. …. Though I and my family were never well to do to American standards.. We were more well to do than the majority of the world and I was blessed throughout my life in so many ways: I (and my family I was brought up in and my family I have now.) was blessed in the time and location I was born in and had lived. I was blessed not to be born into poverty, I had money for necessities and some of life’s unecessities, even frivolous pleasures: I always had plenty of clean water to drink and food to eat and was not desperately starving or hungry. I always had a nice neighborhood where I felt safe to roam the streets with very little crime and no gangs and I always had a nice habitation to keep me protected and comfortable from harsh weather.. I had a comfortable bed with blankets and pillows.. I had high standard healthcare for myself and my family.. and I was brought up in a nation of freedom with much peace and prosperity and educational and career opportunities and a nation that has a giving heart and desires to care for its poor and to help other nations in need. I was not born into a nation with an evil dictator, loss of freedoms, political unrest, or was torn with civil disobedience or civil war.  I was not born to a body with physical or mental limitations or handicaps. I was blessed to be able to hear, see, run, talk and learn, God blessed me with a good mind. I was not born into a family with child abuse, alcoholism or drug abuse; I was never physically or sexually abused. I was born to parents that loved me and took care of me.    Yes.. I was blessed with many, many blessings and more.
     I had the greatest blessing to be born into a family that would care for me, raise me up with many enjoyable times (Amidst some hard times.). They would give me much love and bless me with many great and wonderful, quality things; Learning to love God’s creations through camping at beautiful areas, or like the gift of my violin and quality music, or the gift of  reading and education, learning to be a giving and caring people person, but most of all raising me up with high standards, values and teachings of the most wonderful person to be sent to the earth; My Savior, Jesus Christ. Some choose to throw away and reject this greatest of blessing out of their lives that their parents bring into their lives from very young as they are brought up with it, but throughout my whole life I had chosen to love and live the gospel of Jesus Christ and not turn from it and because of this I had been given many blessings over and over: I was so richly blessed to have knowledge of God and His Son, Jesus, as my Savior. I had Their precious words and example through having access to precious scriptures; “The Word of God“, when millions throughout history and in my times were without this most incredible blessing. I had the gift of being brought up with this word of God and His Son, Jesus Christ by my parents, and God also sent me friends and church leaders who loved the Lord and enlightened my heart mind and soul throughout my life and as I had mentioned before I was given a most precious gift to be brought up with the blessing of having God’s priesthood power within my home and many times throughout the years I had many priesthood blessings given me where I was healed in Jesus name.  Also I had many spiritual experiences to help me stay close to God in my life and all of these great blessings continued  throughout my married life up until this night I had died.
      So, as I had mentioned before, I had been especially blessed to live at a higher plane mentally, physically and spiritually during my years living at Utah, England and San Antonio,(My husband and children were also.) but during the past 17 years since moving here I (and my family) slowly let the very high spiritual level slip and fall, choosing to live at a lesser level, so because of all I was given previously I was more harshly judged and the angel said;” Where much was given, much was required and expected (also a verse from the scriptures) and because you have been given much and chose a lesser life when you had lived a higher life, a harsher judgment will be affixed” (Similar words found in the scriptures and Though this was not judgment day a degree of judgment had to be made concerning where I would reside until judgment day.) Now my experience with this incredible angel of light was about to come to an end, but before he left me he once more reiterated that I was not worthy to be in the presence of God and he spoke concerning those who were..
     That paradise was reserved for those great, goodly and godly spirits that have overcome the world or who were without guile, or for those who had truly repented and sought to change their lives, or after this earth life or spirits of whom the Lord has chosen to forgive and have mercy on, knowing their circumstances. (I will choose one example that is my own thought where Jesus replied to the thief which hung beside him“ Verily I say unto thee, Today shalt thou be with me in paradise.” )  Even someone who was living through terrible things or had done some really bad things or had done much sin but had changed and with their deepest of heart repented and turned to God..They are judged differently than I (and Again I think of the account of Saul of Tarsus who was responsible for seeking out followers of Jesus Christ, knowing to send them to their torture or death, but Jesus came to him and he repented and changed and sacrificed much the remainder of his life to serve Jesus and profess his existence and purpose, and this “born again” man in Christ’s name was changed to the apostle Paul and we have incredible scripture of his life and teachings in the New Testament.. I love to read Paul‘s exhortations..) and I do remember another example that he gave to me of someone that will be judged differently of whom God may chose to reside in paradise; I remember where he said  (Not exact words but with this idea in mind.) that for instance a young boy or girl who had been abused physically or sexually in their childhood, then gone on to continue choosing the dark side of drugs, violence and sexual permissiveness or who was a slave of prostitution and who never had been brought up being taught standards and values or learning right from wrong, or had the gospel in their life, will be judged at a much more lenient and different level than I who had all blessings given, even though I had not been involved with any major sin as theirs.
    He also stated that many who have not had the gospel taught to them on earth will still have the opportunity of being taught the gospel of Jesus Christ in the spirit world. Now, I had known this because of the teachings within our gospel and in the New Testament which stresses the importance of temple work to be performed for those who have passed on. In Malachi we are taught to turn to those who had passed on and our ancestors and then in the N.T. and our gospel we are taught to perform ordinances for them in our temples. Even Jesus mentioned that he would go to preach in the spirit world to those who knew not of Him and have opportunity to accept His gospel there and live according to God in the spirit world and here are some more supporting scriptures:
     In 1 Corinthians 15:29 it states: Else what shall they do which are baptized for the dead, if the dead rise not at all? And 1 Peter 4: 5-6 Why are they then baptized for the dead? For for this cause was the gospel preached also to them that are dead, that they might be judged according to men in the flesh, but live according to God in the spirit.  The angel also shared the idea with me that many in paradise had fulfilled a greater level of life and had endured much trial and tribulation, so much more than I for the benefit of mankind and for God and Christ our Savior. Many who were much more valiant than I, and my mind thinks of the early saints in Jesus’ time and all the trials and persecutions and murders that they had to endure and of all that the early saints had to endure and suffer standing true to their beliefs and convictions to Jesus Christ in these latter days at the beginnings of His restored religion..And there were many more throughout history, many great prophets through the ages and many great individuals that we know not of, goodly souls or souls that always lived or changed their lives into a service of Good to follow God and many more.. Another thing he also spoke of was about the great spirits that were so great before they came to earth that they did not need to be tested here on earth and so God took them back home as they left the earth as an infant, young child or mentally delayed person..
     Now after all of his reviews of who was worthy to be in paradise.. My heart was more than extremely sorrowful and I could understand more and more why I was not worthy to be there..
Now my experience with this angel was coming to an end and I can’t remember all that this angel said to me; I know that I am forgetting some things, but I am very close to remembering most everything.. and except for the words of the angel which are in quotation marks, much of this is not in his exact words as I can’t remember them all or exactly, but I am trying to relay the ideas and teachings that the angel was sharing with me.. Hopefully I will remember more in the future, but sadly usually my memory starts to fade....

Then without communicating a word to me the angel penetrated my soul as he gazed into my eyes, filling my soul with his love and concern for me and his deep sorrow that he felt for me and my outcome.. And just as the tunnel of light followed the angel as he descended through the darkness when he came to me, thus as he ascended the tunnel of light followed him back into that most heavenly paradise until he disappeared from my view and the brilliance of paradise was then sealed up and I was once more left alone in the pure darkness. I then remember gazing down upon my hands as I fell to my knees and I noticed (Pic from web) that my body was radiating even less light than it did before..
    Then it was once more obvious as my spirit was transferred to another realm of dark nothingness...  The darkness was still and void of anything or anyone and I felt so incredibly alone and I remember thinking.. what if this were my permanent residing place.. being in this black nothingness with noone would be a most incredible suffering or punishment of it's own.. Then I started dwelling more on how I was feeling and the more it hit me that I had missed my chance to be in the most incredible place of light,  joy and indescribable love.. And the more I dwelt on the thought of what I was missing out on, being in the presence of my Heavenly Father, His Son, Jesus Christ and the heavenly abode of paradise, the more the heartsick I became and the feeling began to swell within me and it became so extremely overwhelming that it is hard to describe, even indescribable. I don't think earthly words can describe this deepest, sickest, sorrow that ones mind can take you into. I had never before experienced such sorrow, and anguish, grief, and mental pain before.. Though I had no human body to experience physical pain.. A pain did indeed exist..  Nothing in my earthly existence equaled the feelings I was having at that moment.. No..The pain was even 10 times greater than when my best friends; my mother and grandmother that I loved so dearly died and left me. 
    (Again I knew that I was not worthy to be in the presence of God and there was no room for contending or debating  and I began literally wailing and lamenting, which are words that I have never used before.. Usually I would just use the word “cry“, but this was much deeper and much more extreme, these words now seemed much more appropriate than the word cry. Really there are no earthy words to describe how deep my pain and anguish were & I remember thinking how desperately I would not want any man, woman or creature to ever have to experience this sorrow and pain..  Had I truly repented in the proper manner and strove to keep the high level of spiritual life I was living.. I never would have been in this situation..) 
     Now.. I could not stay in this limbo situation....A place for my spirit to reside before the great and final judgment day had to be assigned. I was left unattended in my anguish for maybe only a couple of minutes when all of the sudden an area directly beside me and beneath me began to open up to view.  I gazed downward and heard and saw something of this place and it's inhabitants. I will not call it hell because I knew it was not hell, yet it was an indescribable place which radiated sorrow, discontent, unhappiness and despair and there were cries and lamenting going on there and everyone there did seem to be in their own little hell.. and then I began to realize that it was a place that one not worthy of hell but needing to still pay for sins or sins of omission that they had not truely repented of and I realized that as Jesus stated that if we do not repent of our sins we will have to suffer even as him.. (although I am sure we cannot even begin to suffer at the extreme level that He ever did as he suffered for even billions of people..) I think the Catholics call this place pergatory.. or it was similar to their idea of pergatory.. and I knew that I must suffer for my personal unrepented sins before I would be worthy to be in the presence of the Lord.. so my soul was developing more and more anguish, sorrow and fear as I gazed down into this semi darkened pit of souls that were all caught up in their own little world of suffering.. as no one was paying attention to each other.. then all of the sudden I noticed a spirit (personage) of hardly any light whose countenance was gaunt, void of happiness and on the stoic side, was ascending to greet me then my sorrow and fear began to turn extreme and terror & fear began to engulf my soul and I could not believe that I was about to be taken to such a distraught, unhappy, lesser dwelling place of suffering...
    I felt sickened and in anguish just seconds before but now my anguish along with this new felt fear and terror was ten fold, no, maybe even a hundred fold.. I became so desperate as the spirit told me that he was there to escort me..
..  I started to move back from his seeking to take hold of me and I began yelling with all my might and mind and heart.. with all of my soul... "No! No! No! This cannot be right! I will not go!“ and I continued to back away from him.. Now I had experienced the brilliance, the exquisiteness, the love, the joy, the heavenly realms of paradise and I now yearned from the deepest depths of my soul that I should have nothing less than paradise as my place of dwelling.. As I was crying profusely, and in this greatest of fear and despair possible, I yelled out quickly, with all of my heart, mind and soul possible, as all of the sudden it was as my spirit could not longer move and the personage moved forward and forcibly took hold of me  and I realized that I had no power to be released from his grips nor had no choice but to proceed with him down to this darkened  place of sorrow.. and in the greatest of fear that I have ever experienced and from the deepest abyss of my soul, heart and mind I yelled out with faith praying that God would somehow hear my most desperate pleas wherever He may be: "Dear God of Heaven above.. I beg of you to forgive me and give me a second chance! Dear Jesus! Please! I beg of you to forgive me! I promise from the bottom of my heart that I will change my wrong ways if I have a second chance to live again! Please I beg of you! Dear God and Lord forgive me!“. I remember pleading this statement several times over from the greatest depths of my soul that I could express and mean it with all of my heart, might, mind and strength.

My plea was so heartwrenching as I was filled with the most extreme anguish and desperation and the deepest desires of remorse, repentance and desires to change as I was pleaing to God for a second chance at life on earth....  After this experience I was trying to find a song that described my deepest feelings and it was one that I have performed many times on my violin... "Oh, Divine Redeemer"  but my violin cannot say the words so I chose the exquisite voice of Joan Sutherland to represent my sincerest repentance ever.. She sings the words as I wish I could in my plea of asking my Savior to forgive me....

(Oh! That we could always have this level of deepest and sincerest of desires to ask forgiveness from the deepest depths of our soul possible.. and with such a fervent belief in our Savior to save us from our sins! and with such a deep conviction and desire to change..... My Savior's suffering for my sins, His precious gift of the atonement, the process of repentance and the sacrament that we should be partaking each Sunday to complete our repentance and to renew our covenants vowing to strive to always remember our Savior's suffering and sacrifice for us and to live His gospel, truly all has a deeper meaning than ever before in my heart and soul since experiencing this most extreme and intense level of pleading for forgiveness, and through enduring the pain and suffering, anguish and remorse of my death experience. Truly I can never be think of repentance as flippantly and light hearted as I have in the past. I thought because I had never committed adultery that I was not guilty of any major sin..... but.... as I  (   was told by the angel (and in the scriptures)    (Christ suffering in Gethsemane by Carl Bloch)    that unto much is given... much is required and expected and I will be and was judged at a higher level because of it.... and so my day to day sins that I thought of as not such a big thing are and were big things as I was given much spiritually and should have been more advanced to overcome these minor sins and to have my Savior's strength and spirit to be with me to overcome them more often.. but I allowed myself to live a lesser life... and my repentance should have been far greater for what seemed menial sins.. and I was always leaving out repentance for my great sins of omission, the times I should have been about the Lord's will but only chose to serve him in my convenience... (How many of us forget to do this!!) and though I was about much good on earth and did at times serve when not convenient and did many times follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost to do things for God.. As you will soon learn from accounting more of my death experience that there were many times I was indeed guilty of sins of omission... Sins of omission may end up being a persons greatest, most grave sins... Because maybe when we fail to follow through with promptings.. it could lead to a person not coming to know the Lord, Jesus as their Savior.. or maybe not following through with a prompting might mean someone suffering an accident and being killed or maimed for life.. or maybe not following through with a prompting to reach out to a wayward teen may mean that we could have changed their life enough that they would have been kept from committing a menial or even a heinous crime that could imprison them.. both in reality or spiritually as satan maybe took over their mind... I know that our hearts will be extremely heartsick as we discover these sins of omission.. and what they could have accomplished had we followed through with them.. We have much more to repent of than we think.. and so much of it may never be recompensed for....... infact.. yes.. we will always fall short... this is another reason why our Savior is so critical to our salvation!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

  (There is one of my sins of omission that I want to share with you... There are times that I feel prompted to give people rides but... especially after this incident I have majorly increased giving rides to others because: One day I was in a rush to get somewhere... It was snowing and very cold and I saw this dear elderly woman struggling to carry maybe three heavy grocery bags in each hand and you could tell that she was having a hard time..You could tell that each bag had heavy items of milk and cans in them. Now I had been in the same situation before when we only had one car and I would walk all over... not having a ride and thus having no choice but to carry the heavy bags from the store to my home, so I knew in my heart and mind that it was not easy to do..and I remember seeing her and feeling so sorry for her and I was very aware of the thought that was put in my head by the Holy Ghost that was giving me a prompting that I should stop what I am doing and give her a ride to wherever she needs to be.. And then very suddenly I (or satan) replaced this thought with the reminder that I was in a hurry and couldn’t take the time to give her a ride..  And then I finished my thoughts with.. “Surely someone else will see her and feel sorry for her and stop and  help her.”   Now the truth is that it probably would have only taken only maybe a few minutes out of my time to give her a ride home.. She had to live fairly close by so no matter how busy I was I could have taken the time.. Yet I will say! When God prompts you to do something.. it actually shouldn't matter how much time it takes! If God wants you to do something.. Choose to move along and do it!.. It was more important than what I was rushing to do and I should have stopped and given her a ride!.. but I chose not to and hurried on to do my shopping that I was running late to do as we had people coming over within the hour.. So I felt as that was more important!!! (But no it wasn't!)
     That night I had a profound dream concerning this woman and here was the rest of her story.. In the dream it showed me thinking to pick up the woman, but then choosing not to and it showed my van passing her… but then the dream turned my mind back to the woman and I viewed what she further had to go through and I began to hear her sorrowful thoughts and then I even began to feel what she was suffering in my mind and my very own body.  I could feel the pains she was experiencing as she continued to walk not just one, but over maybe eight or nine blocks in this terrible weather..
My spirit seemed as it was right there with her and I could hear her distressed, hopeless, depressed thoughts .. And I could feel her pain and suffering as she struggled on step after step so cold and shivering.. Her arms aching terribly as she strove to continue carrying her bags.. She had to keep on putting the bags down to relieve her achy arms and would try to warm her freezing fingers and my fingers were also feeling as they were freezing and stiff with pain.. She was praying in her heart that someone would stop and give her a ride home.. She would plead to God and tears would even well up in her eyes..but she became more and more depressed in thought and spirit as car after car drove by not making any effort to stop for her and I wondered how many received the prompting to stop and help her but they didn’t..They just drove on like me.. Thinking that they couldn’t take a few minutes of their time to help her home..
I then heard some of her depressing thoughts about how she wishes she had someone she could have called to take her to the store but she knew no one good enough to feel as she could do so, then that thought lead to the thought that she had no close friends and she was so saddened by this thought.. She would think.. Negative thoughts about herself.. And all this time she would here and there think thoughts about how cold she was and how her body was aching and how she wished that she was in her warm home and she wished that another store was nearby to stop and warm up in or a home of a friends to warm up in and be again on her way.. She would stop periodically to put her bags down and rest and try to warm up her freezing hands... and I knew that she was a religious woman because here and there she would pray to God to give her strength to go on and then it came .... Her prayer... asking God to send someone to give her a ride.... and my heart just felt so sick....   God sent me a strong clear message to stop what I was doing and to help her and give her a ride home... and I just brushed it of!!!!
My heart (and body) felt so much pain and sorrow for what she was enduring and following being shown this the Holy Ghost proceeded to speak with me during this dream: I remember being told by the Holy Ghost (and by Jesus in even a dream I had years ago.) that there are times that we may be the only one available to follow through with helping others and that there will come a time that we will have to account to the Lord for the things that He wanted us to do and prompted us to do, but we failed to follow through with and then He said that because of not following through, maybe one or even many people will have to suffer because of it and great will be the sorrow of I or many when they find out this outcome of the extent of suffering that occurred because of our neglect.  (Maybe even the death of someone..) And I remember waking up abruptly from this dream .. I was in a sweat and had a heartsick feeling... and the thought came to my mind so powerfully: "You and all mankind will be held accountable for our sins of omission..." ... Very sobering to think about... I will say that from that day on... It doesn't matter who they are or what they look like.. Shabby and homeless or a tattooed teen with a bunch of piercings and all dressed in black... an obvious alcoholic... yes... if the spirit tells me to give them a ride..  and I have given many such a ride.. and many times it has opened doors to help the person and leave them with spiritual upliftment and many times I also like to have a prayer with them before they leave my van... *I keep a picture of Jesus at all times taped to my dash.. and many times have a spiritual CD playing.. So my car is a spiritual refuge.. and many will comment on these things.. I will share more of my spiritual experiences when giving others rides in my Charities for Jesus page..
     P.S. I will note that there are times I will think in my mind to give someone a ride and the spirit whispers for me not to pick them up ... so maybe they were a person that may treat me badly or maybe the Lord wants them to endure what they are enduing?  Or maybe someone else is suppose to pick them up? So I know that God is watching over me... I do realize that it may not be safe to pick up certain people... So this is one reason why it is so critical to follow the promptings of the spirit..  Of corse our whole life should be lived in this manner..)
     Back to my death experience; I have left you where I was in the grasps of this zombie like being and was ready to be forcibly taken down to a most sorrowful place that I would reside in til the day of judgment.. and from the very depths of my most anguished soul I was pleading with all of my heart, might, mind and strength for God to forgive me of my sins and give me a second chance on earth.. promising Him that I would change....... Then all of the sudden My Dearest of all dear God, had accepted my deeper than deepest soul wrenching plea of forgiveness and my spirit was quickly sucked back into my body and you would think I would then proceed to pour out deep sincere thankyou's .......... But...... when I returned back to my body it was not as I had left it earlier, dead and lifeless, looking stoic, heavy and motionless, my body had now been a certain amount of time without oxygen and my heart had been stopped for a time. How much I am not sure. I‘m thinking at least 20 minutes maybe more?  I entered a body that was struggling to get going again and in severe trauma. The pain in my chest was extreme. My heart beat was all over the place, like it shows on some of these monitors in emergency room scenes on T.V.   My brain felt like something extremely heavy was squeezing it, it had a very sicker than sick  feeling..well, it had it's own kind of pain that I had never experienced before, even different from times I suffered from migraines or when I slipped on the ice and had suffered from my last concussion, cracking my head open in two places and being paralyzed from the neck down.. (That was another time that I was dying and God let me live and after about 15 minutes I was able to once more move my hands and legs and crawl in the house.. and this is another story I may share with you later!)...

      So when I returned back to my body I lay there in extreme trauma and pain. I remember that at first all I could do was contemplate the severe pain I was in and for a few seconds I lay there with my eyes open, widest of wide, staring at the ceiling, groaning..All my mind could dwell on was nothing but the intense pain I was in; (My husband remembered being woken by my groaning.. but he said it lasted so short that he quickly went back into his deep sleep..) Then my next thoughts were as if someone else had put them there, they were immediately turned towards the suffering of my Savior in Gethsemane.. And a voice said to me something like: "You are only experiencing an inkling of the pain that your Savior suffered and endured for you in Gethsemene and so great was His pain that He bled great drops of blood from every pore..." and my heart was in such sorrow and grief as I contemplated this thought, but in thinking about my Savior the thought came to me immediately after that just as I had been healed so many times before in my life by His holy name, that I could turn to ask Him for healing once again from the severe pain I was in.  So I closed my eyes and my thoughts returned again into a desperate plea and I poured out my heart in silent prayer, thinking once more in desperation: "Dear Jesus! I know that you live and I know that you can heal me and take this pain from me…. Please.. I beg of you! Please! I know without anything doubting that you can heal me, please dear Lord, take this pain from me and heal me! Please, Dear Lord!" and I also remember adding something like: "Surely I was not sent back to earth to live in a body with so much pain that I would not be able to serve you. Please heal me, I beg of you!"  
   Then the next time I added again with all my heart; “Please..Forgive me of my sins my dear Redeemer!.. and heal me!" and as I said it with all of my heart, might, mind and strength..
the next thing I knew, within the time it took me to think this last plea my heart once more regained beating steadily, my breathing returned to normal and the severe pressure and pain in my head and chest left me and my body became calm and normal. (After a week of peaceful sleep I suddenly began to realize that even my sleep apnea had been healed!)
I laid there wide awake with my eyes closed, tears streaming down my face and I thought once again with all of my heart, might, mind and strength...Over and over "Thank you my dear Jesus, thank you with all of my heart!.... Thank You for a second chance at life! Thank You for a healed body!" Thank You for so many wonderful blessings!!! and I repeated it a couple of times over when I  was filled to the very core of my soul with the most overwhelming, exquisite love and joy… (Yet not to the overwhelming degree as when paradise and my Savior was opened up to me)   Please take a moment now to listen to this most precious remendition of Amazing Grace by the incredible singer: Wintley Phipps.. For truely God and Jesus extended this most Amazing grace to me.... as I was given a most incredible 2nd chance at life....

and now.....  you would think my experience was over but it was only half way over... as at that moment I began to have whisperings enter my mind as if someone were right next to me conversing with me... and I remember opening my eyes to see if I could actually see the spirit that was speaking with me.. but I was not that blessed (or that worthy to see such a Holy personage right here upon the earth.) At first I even wondered in my mind if it were Christ, Himself .. but then I knew that it wasn't when a powerful thought came to me that it was the Holy Ghost Himself that would be sharing these very most important thoughts that would apply to my personal life here upon the earth.. So I closed my eyes and laid there being overcome with a most overwhelming, heavenly feeling that is not of this earth..  ....
   Then the HolyGhost spoke to my mind in the sweetest of soft spoken, yet deep, penetrating voice.. and I will start out with His exact precious words that he shared with me and I will never for- get them. While radiating this most exquisite love       He said: “You… are a divine daughter of a Heavenly Father that loves you.” Then he shared similar words as this: “You were faithful to God in the pre-existence and were sent forth to earth fore-ordained to accomplish great things.”
(And after reflecting upon these words they reminded me so much of the theme that theYoung teen girls in the LDS religion repeated every Sunday: We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him. We will stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things and in all places as we strive to live the Young Women values which are: Faith, Divine Nature, Individual Worth, Knowledge, Choice and Accountability, Good Works,  Integrity and Virtue.  We believe as we come to accept and act upon these values, we will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances, and enjoy the blessings of exaltation. )
Then.. Though His glorious, wondrous love was still present, His voice turned into great seriousness and even slowed some as He relayed His next message with a great feeling of sorrow and disappointment as he said something similar to: “Many have been very discouraged and even saddened because there have been times that you have been given promptings, motivations and even specific directions concerning your for-ordinations and you have not followed through with many of them. Either you were not making choices that Heavenly Father’s spirit could be with you to communicate Our desires, or you were concentrating so much on the things of the world that Our spirit could not get through to you or you were putting worldly things of lesser importance ahead of more important promptings that you acknowledged, or you did not have faith or that we would help your promptings come about so you contemplated them for a time, then with little effort on your part you gave up and dismissed them..”
(The last one is very profound for many as we can fail or give up hope to believe that with God all things are possible and that He can prepare and open the way to accomplish all things no matter how difficult, even if it means helping us by overcoming all obstacles with outright miracles.... I am sure that many have stories to tell where God opened doors to accomplish things that seemed impossible at the time... On my JesusHelpMePlaytheViolin I will tell you the story of how, with the help of God, I was able to come up with the funds to purchase a professional level violin when my violin was badly damaged and my husband was out of work and it would seem an impossible time to financially purchase an expensive violin..
  But then I will tell you of another time that I failed to follow through with one prompting after another where I was suppose to follow through with a major undertaking and I tried for a very short time to promote it ... maybe three times and I gave up thinking that it would surely be impossible for someone as me and someone as me that had no funds to get this major financial endeavor going.. I exhibited little faith and little effort and quickly let discouragement set in and then gave up for good... So then following my death experience.. when the Holy Ghost mentioned
"or you did not have faith or that we would help your promptings come about so you contemplated them for a time, then with little effort on your part you gave up and dismissed them..”. I immediately knew that one of the things he was speaking of was "The Change of Heart Hotel"... )  
      Then just as I felt a deep remorse before from my mindrush of things that I had not truly repented of during my death experience I would once more feel that deepest of remorse as instantly once more a whole other set of incidents were rushed through my mind... and as the others the angel commented on some of them... With this mindrush I was only shown maybe about 30 or 40 moments where I was shown times that an ancestor, heavenly messenger, or even God, Jesus or the Holy Ghost were trying or wanting to relay a message to me.. and I was either shown... watching a game show or my favorite Biggest Looser show and I was so entranced by it that the message could not even find place to enter my mind or I was also shown times where though I watch very little viewing with violence or lowstandards... It was shown where violent or worldly lowstandard or even lude joking commercials were advertising other programs with this lowstandard junk and the spirit of God could not even be with me as I watched these commercials... and so important promptings were lost to me,  or there were times when I did receive the messages, acknowledged them and even wrote them down at times, but then I never made the time or strove to have it happen or some of these ideas would take too much effort and work, or I just began to view them as impossible for little ol' me to accomplish.. so I quickly gave up on them.. when if I would have included the Lord more in aiding me to accomplish what He asked me to do and I should have had more faith that if God inspired me and asked me to do something then He would prepare a way to accomplish it!!... (as with my violin)... He would have opened doors for them to happen.. So it was as I was shown several times where I was given the promptings concerning the "Change of Heart Hotel" for the homeless or those out of prison and I was very prompt to write down the information as I felt it was coming directly from Jesus Himself manytimes... but then as I told you I made little effort to pursue it and I soon gave up effort or hope that I could ever accomplish such a major undertaking...
   . I was shown another time where I was going about all of this housework.. so determined to have everything cleaned and dishes done and clothes hung up and rooms vacuumed and there was nothing that was going to stop me from having my clean home... not even a prompting to go and help someone.. that came to my mind for a quick second and that I immediately replaced with the thought that I must get the dishes done before so and so arrives... and I would have no intentions of stopping what I was doing to go help the person I was prompted to help....... So sadly come to find out later that they really needed me to help... The Lord had to go elsewhere to find someone to help... but wait... what if He found no one else!!!  as I mentioned before about sins of omission.. Sad we will be when we will discover on our judgment day others that needed our help and we failed to acknowledge times to help them.. or we were not doing something worthy that the spirit could not get through to us..  Now I was even shown where I was at a Jr. Jazz basketball game with one of my children and me and this other mom was yelling one thing after another to our sons.. ofcorse thinking to help them out and support them.. but my mind was so intensely into the game that there again an angelic messenger could not even get a thought in edgewise that I should return home to help my disabled husband... and when I finally got home my dear husband had been in much suffering from an asthma attack.. and almost near dead... He would not call anyone for help as his hopes are always that if he dies he would happily accept leaving this earth and suffering no more... So I came home when the game was over... but I almost lost my dear husband!!! Instead of calling an ambulance, because of his desire to die I knew that he needed much more than medical help.. I knew that he needed God's strength to give him the desire to live along with a miracle from God to help him overcome this time of severe health... So I quickly called a couple of brethren to come over immediately to give my husband a blessing of healing and hope and within a couple of minutes following he was once more breathing normally and had a positive change of attitude... (Even without the inhaler.. which he didn't want to take because he wanted to die instead at that time...) Well the precious anointed (as stated in the Bible) blessing reminded him that God still wanted him here upon the earth to accomplish important things and to care for his family and his health was wonderful for a few weeks following the blessing... even his back pain was at a minimal.. it was truly a miracle of healing through our Savior, Jesus Christ... (Many times through the years my husband and I have both been blessed to experience miracles in the name of Jesus Christ during severe health.. ) Now.. I was even shown a time where my ancestors were beside me whispering thoughts in my mind  concerning genealogy and I was watching my game show.. and I remember thinking about it for a moment but then brushing the thoughts off and as before .. I did not want to miss my game show....  I thought I will go enter it in at the computer another time... but then I quickly lost the thought... and took no action and this reminded me of a time I had a very deep sorrowful dream shortly following moving from England and in this special dream there were a group of my ancestors that came to share something with me that left me very heartsick.. One spoke for the others saying something to the effect that .....................(I will finish this later) ..
     Then I was also shown a time where I was shopping about in a clothing store... and I was so caught up into finding a shirt to match this skirt and so caught up in this worldly world of fashion... that the spirit could not even be with me .. and I was shown where an angel was trying to relay a message to me of urgency concerning my son that was leaving our house with a friend that would that night end up taking him to a place that would place him in the situation of rape at only 14 and I remember that I came home and went to bed and I was all of the sudden awoken by an extremely sick feeling that something was wrong with this son... but... it was too late... I had no idea where he was... and if I would have been home when he left and not shopping for three hours... I would have asked him where he were going and he would have told me and hopefully I would have spiritually been in tune to acknowledge the warning of that angel who came to warn me in the store.. and I would have felt a strong prompting to tell this son not to go there... You never know... (He then would have the free agency to go against my will or maybe he would have had the same spirit with him not to go after my pleadings... I don't know if I could have made a difference or if I could have strongly insisted that he were not allowed to go to this party...???) And I want to tell you that that same night as he had that experience I was dreaming in my mind that he was crying and in pain and in distress.. and in the dream I was desperately going all over trying to find him so I could help him.. and all this time of running about trying to find him I heard his cries..  but I could not find him.. then I awoke up with a Heartsick feeling, left with fear for my son.. and I immediately got up and went outside to look about.. thinking he may be in our yard or garage, for that is how the cries in my dream seemed to come from close by outside.. but he was ofcorse not.. and I knelt on my knees asking God to protect him and be with him..  and I finally went back in and fell asleep.. He spent the night with his friends then and so sadly I failed to get their phone numbers and when he returned he was very somber and not his happy self and he didn't say anything about what happened.. and when I said something to him about my dream he teared up, but kept saying that he was all right and denied that anything happened to him and said that it was his life.. but he was never quite the same after that experience.. and sadly after this he stopped going to church.. It wasn't until a few years later that he finally opened up to me one night concerning what happened to him and he told me that he cried and cried during his sexual encounter where this he said this huge fat older football player trapped him and sexually assulted him and he could not get out from under him.. and we are talking about this son that had such a sweet precious side to him, especially at this time.. and I just feel as I as a mother was in tune with the sufferings of my children then.. and my heart was so sickened and filled with sorrow for any of these times this son has suffered from sexual abuse.. (for he told me of other times also.. Very heartsick for me..and him.. I could go on and on about many good things of this son.. infact out of all of my children.. he was the most spiritual and had the greatest level of spirituality.. although he always carries his goodness around him still to this day... and so many people love his sweet spirit..  from the time of this experience my son would never again have this great level of spirituality.. Many victims of sexual abuse suffer even throughout their whole life and many are even destroyed by it mentally and we need to leave it up to God to judge them and not judge them .. and I often think "How would my life turn out if I experienced the same terrible happenings that some of these dear children or teens end up enduring.. We need to stay close to God asking for help on how to help them.. I love this son so dearly and we will talk on and on .. on the phone and have always enjoyed each others company through the years and are always laughing about one thing or another.. but he can be hit with heavy depression over terrible things that happened in his life and that is so sad.... I am blessed that our communication has not been impaired..  I will say that still after this experience he would volunteer for many things and one thing he started to do was to help a group that helps homeless teens on the streets and for a time I helped him (Without my husband knowing) by opening up our home and we would give these teens a room to spend the night.. Some even for a few days before foster care or other homes could be opened up to them.. Since that time I have had some contact me thanking me for helping them and they reported on how much better they were doing in life.. One girl was being sexually abused by her step father.. another was had a terrible homelife of parents on drugs and he left home and became a prostitute and the group helped him get into a rehabilitation program and he changed his life.. and another was striving to run from an abusive boyfriend and she had bruises all over her and they were able to get her to another state and have her identity changed and she started a new life there.... Sadly our women's shelters are on overload and end up turning many away.. ) .. Our teens do have their free agency... and we cannot always be making choices for them...  but... there are times we can have a positive influence on them or at times need to be more assertive and insistent as in the "tough love" theory... Now there were other times I was shown... I don't remember them all of them.. but this mindrush truly left me feeling sick inside... and after it I was so leery of even watching television and wished that we could go back to not having a T.V. but my husband and kids were pretty rebellious as to that move... and I know that when it comes time to be judged as I spoke somewhat on before... how heartsick I will be when I find out that I had failed to help someone when I could have made a difference or truly rescued someone physically.. or mentally.. but most of all spiritually... ..
     Following this other sorrowful mindrush the Holy Ghost once more commenced speaking into my mind... and I continued to lie so still with my eyes closed .. not wanting to move whatsoever taking in every word and being deep in thoughts of remorse for the mindrush that just occured... .. He then began to say something to the effect of: "You came to earth being for-ordained to work with those in prison.. You were for-ordained to help the homeless. You were for-ordained to make a difference in the lives of children.. You were for-ordained to bring others to God and Jesus through your gift of music You were for-ordained to help redeem your ancestors through genealogy and temple work and you were fore-ordained to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ to all who came your way.. You being one of the faithful daughters of God gladly accepted these for-ordinations that you were sent forth to accomplish..”  Inbetween each of these mentioned he would expound on each one and I won't share the comments on those for now... maybe later.. but then he also began to add even more advice or was it reprimands? that I was in need of to finish up my life here on earth......

Then the Holy Ghost also spoke to me concerning scripture study and lovingly repremanded me for neglecting to feast upon the words of Christ... He told me that I had failed to cherish the scriptures more and study them with more diligence and time and memorize more scriptures so the word of God and Christ can always be with me in my mind.. He mentioned how the verses from the scriptures should be a regular part of my thoughts and words throughout the day.. And that I should treat them almost like  Picturefrom:   mastering a language.. How one spends much time and effort to become fluent and proficient in a language.. So you can be that diligent and strive to be proficient and fluent in many verses from the scriptures.. And He gave me the promise that if I do this that Heavenly Father, Jesus and the Holy Ghost will be able to be with me more often throughout the day and as I go to share the gospel or help others or just converse with others I can include the words of the Lord from the scriptures to uplift others..
     (And I knew that this was true.. Anyone who serves a mission or ministry for their religion or who studies to become a leader of their congregation and creates the time for extensive, intense scripture study (While having the spirit of God attending you, having no place for satan's twisted thoughts.), knows the spiritual strength that is given to them when they regularly study and memorize the scriptures.. and knows how these words of God and His Son can dwell more often with you in your mind helping you to think, speak and have actions more dedicated to Them and all they would have us be about doing..
    Although I realize that we should always be ready to witness for Christ and share his teachings and life often with others.. When we lived in San Antonio, Texas I was called to be a missionary in our area when my oldest three (last two not born yet) were then all in school and every morning faithfully I would study for about hour with the Kay Precept Ministries Bible Study (Via Television.. I luv that Kay Arthur!!) and then a half an hour on other religious books from my religion.. I would faithfully strive to memorize more and more scriptures in my mind.. and it was a beautiful gift given to me as I began to have the word of God in my head so much more often and it was so much easier to live these words in my actions and to desire to share them with others.. And my love for God and His Son Jesus and my fellow men(&women)kind was increased doubly and the spirit of God was always with me.. { Now I will tell you that I chose to study from the King James Version as I feel there is even more holiness with the Old English language and the poetry style of the verses and words.. Though modern words are fine to use, I feel that something is greatly lost when it is put to our modern day words..

And when I moved from SanAntonio to our new state of residence I let this precious regular scripture study lapse and it became less and less regular.. for me, my husband and our whole family.. as we were having regular family scripture study also.. Especially in England where there was even one year that we never missed one day having family scripture study ..
We are always so quick to feed and nourish our bodies.. We put much time, thought, money and preparation into what our bodies should wear, in educating our minds for life and careers and much time and money into what we eat and where we eat as we go out to eat often... Can you imagine how spiritually fed we would be if we were to put this much thought, time and preparation into our scripture study & spiritual wellbeing.. Think how much our bodies and minds and souls would be nourished and blessed and how much this gift of the God‘s word could bless ourselves and others if we feasted upon them regularly for an hour at times even twice a day or even more, reading them, sharing them, reciting them by memory, speaking of them, living every word of God and His Son, Jesus Christ (and of the apostles and prophets also..) if these words were continuously flowing through our minds and souls!.
                Having the scriptures in our lives are indeed a priceless treasure!!!.
     Then the Holy Ghost reminded me to carry a constant prayer in your heart wherever you go or whatever you go about doing..
And I remembered that I used to be so good at doing that during my bad back years.. Carrying a constant prayer in my thoughts and mind often.. It is so much easier to turn to God when we are in pain and suffering  and trials.. I think that is one reason why God can bring trials and suffering upon us.. It can end up being a blessing to bring us closer to God.. I know that it has been with my husband and I.. My bad back years were the most spiritual years of my life.. I was so often praying to God for help and relief of my back pain and was turning to Him in prayer concerning all things and because of it His spirit seemed to always be with me and rarely left.. )

     Another thing that was told to me was that I have failed many times to be a witness of Christ and spread the word of Jesus to others, that I needed to be making more of an effort in being a missionary and share Jesus whenever I can and to not be shy or reserved or self conscious about it because time is running out for the world to change and turn their hearts to Him.
Now I knew that this was so so true.. again it was true and since our last move and slacking to live the gospel of Jesus Christ.. my mind went further from thoughts to share Jesus and His precious word to others.. It became just one more area that I and my whole family have slacked on since our last move..  

(I still need to finish this portion of my experience)

    Now I will stop here and bring my experience to an end, but before I leave I want to remind you that you are all divine children of a most incredible Heavenly Father that loves you dearly and knows you individually.. (an unconditional love, no matter what wrong doings of the past you have committed.. For, be reminded that God loves the sinner {which we all are} but despises the sin) ..
     I have felt very prompted to create a website.. but I kept on putting it off as I felt more prompted and driven first to write down my incredible account so upon finishing it . . I then have felt this great prompting to put up a website, but not just one that has bits and pieces of my death experience but with the prompting that it should include much more.. and a strong prompting that it should also be the means for creating an income that my family and I could use right now as we have had about eight different things pop up in the last two months.. and my sparse violin students are not helping much.. but also for the reason that my husband's health is declining more rapidly than usual and I am desperately going to need an income for near future time that he passes away.. It was God that gave me the idea of my store4Jesus.. as I was first just thinking of non religeous odds and ends, but so powerfully God told me that it should be dedicated to religeous things only.. and to "Spread the Word of Jesus"..  Several times already my husband has been so close to passing and he constantly has to deal with pain.. (For the past 18 years, but he is so much worse than usual now) so I know that I must mentally and physically prepare myself for that day that my eternal sweetheart that I so dearly love leaves me.. .. So my promptings have been so much stronger to produce this website..  Plus another reason for producing this website is to share a warning that the Holy Ghost told to me and that is that the last days of extreme tribulation spoken of in the book of Revelation are soon to be upon us and that we need to spiritually and Temporarly prepare ourselves and our families for these horrific times .. Blessed will be those who are prepared to meet the Lord at his first coming as a thief in the night.. and blessed will those who survive on til the final second coming of the Lord our Savior.. When he will come to reign over the earth in glory, peace, joy and love.. Binding satan for a thousand years so he and his helpers have no place in the hearts of the children of men as Christ, Jesus' most incredible spirit will permeate the whole earth.. and all individuals left and all will know that Jesus is our Savior and every knee shall bow before Him and every tongue shall confess that Jesus is our Christ and our Savior and I testify this to you... For I know He lives ... and is our Savior.. for I saw Him, even in paradise... and I pray with all of my heart that I will be prepared and worthy to be in His presence the next time my body dies and my spirit leaves to move on... From the most deepest depths of my soul I year to be worthy for this most precious of all gift... that I and all should be striving for.. It is all real... and don't let anyone (including satan himself) talk you into disbelieving.. for He is real and He strives to take men from the knowledge of Jesus and from the goodness of God and to be sidetracked from our pre-destined spiritual purposes here upon the earth.. For He desires that no man return back to the presence of God or to serve Him whatsoever.. and our answer to overcome satan and his hosts is living the words of God and our Savior, Jesus Christ.. It is all real!!

    And following my death experience ... I was left for almost a week of being possessed with Christ's most exquisite, Heavenly love and joy and for several days and it was so overpowering and incredible that satan had no power over me whatsoever: None of his ill or negative thoughts could enter or penetrate my mind and no one could say anything that would bring me to think ill or become angry.. and if they tried.. All I could do is remain in this Heavenly world filled with exquisite joy and love.. and towards any person I was with or persons that passed me by.. and if anyone tried to offend me or disagree with me I would look at them filled with the greatest of love towards them and I would think and say:... "I love you so dearly .. I would never want to say or do anything to hurt your feelings".. and I would so softly and lovingly tell them that what they were saying would make our Savior sad and it doesnt agree with His teachings..  and I told them that God doesn't want us to argue and be mean to each other and I would leave.. and this happened four different times.. two with my husband and twice with my son... and satan could not penetrate this barrier of Heavenly protection that was upon me and for a few days I will tell you that I feel I was literally perfect in thought and in deed those few days following my death because Heavenly Father's spirit was so powerfully with me and satan could have no place in my mind or heart.... but...

     So sadly I was not meant to remain in this perfected heavenly state where satan had no power over me for the rest of my life.. because I was sent back to earth to be tested to prove myself more worthy of dwelling in the presence of my Savior and I was also sent back to accomplish or finish things that I had been sent on earth to do from my pre-existence... and about a week after my experience for a third time my son tried to argue with me... and at first I followed through with what the Holy Ghost taught me to say.. and I began to leave the room, but then my son said something very rude and wrong and I all of the sudden got the urge to correct him.. so I turned back and he retorted with another rude even degrading comment this time and all of the sudden I allowed anger to well up within my mind and God's most heavenly spirit quickly left me as I yelled a sentence to my son.. (Though a not bad words the correction was filled with anger and it was too late... All of the sudden it hit me so powerfully that this most heavenly spirit and feeling that had accompanied me was totally gone that I stood there in shock for a moment and then I ran to the bathroom and cried and cried... and prayed for forgiveness over and over.. but it was too late..  and though I regain a portion of that wonderful feeling with me here and there.. I know that unless the day comes to stand before Jesus Himself again one day or worthy to meet Him at His second coming.. (although I already know that I will die before that time) .. I will may never be blessed with that extreme level of Heaven to be with me as my body lives on earth. but I pray to God for the strength to live the gospel of Jesus Christ.. so I may be worthy to be in His presence and feel of His greatest of love and joy once more.. It is such a precious treasure to be sought after more than any earthly treasure, especially those that so many seek after that are cold and lifeless and that the world gives them so much value and worship when in reality the riches and treasures of the earth have no value and will be as a canker even for those who seek after them..  and I am going on and on.. but now I will end my long winded sermon and experience desiring that it has brought you closser to God and made you the wiser and given you much stronger desire to come unto Jesus our Savior.. that you would strive to follow and emulate and put first in your lives..
     TurnUrHeart2Jesus&live!!! &dont4getJesusluvsU!!!  Love ur sister in the gospel of Jesus Christ.. Mae Wagenen... 

Some extra favorite scriptures on love: Galatians 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness& faith. Romans 12:9 let love be without dissimula- tion, abhor that which is evil, cleave unto that which is good.  Romans 8:39 Nor height or depth or anyother creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:28  And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God and to them who are called according to His purpose. 2John 1:6 And this is love that we keep His commandments.

Here is a very peaceful newer version of an old Celtic Christian hymn from the CD Looking into the Light: Oh the Deep, Deep, Love of Jesus...

 Here is one of my favorite songs about Jesus sang by one of my LDS friends: I Stand All Amazed:

For one of my violin programs.. I had about 14 of us accompany a guest singer with this song: Above All... It was very powerful and awesome.. Everyone felt the spirit.. I strive to have a spiritual side to all of my programs... (I won't ever have regular recitals)

This is a beautiful song: There is None Like You.. (and it is true!)

I really like the group Hillsong.. Here they sing: The Power of Your Love

Here is a special song by a Catholic singer whose group is called:  Innocence Mission: God is Love

The fourth Irish in me loves this Christian Group: Eden's Bridge.... Here they sing: Our God is an Awesome God...... The photography is so Awesome!!! Created by our most Awesome God and His SonJesusChrist!!!  (singing come about half way through the video)

Here is a traditional old Irish Hymn that my cousin "Soulise" sings so sweetly:
 Here is another sweet Christmas song that she sings of love and peace and our sweet Jesus:

For the younger generation: Though it's alittle too "Rocky" in parts for me.. I really feel a wonderful feeling in the special words to this awesome song: "I Surrender to Your Love" sang by the Born Again Christian group: MercyMe...
And I love the incredible scenery... that depicts even more the awesomeness of God and that "Shouts out in Silence" (My words to one of my songs..) "That God was Here.... His presence caresses each and every one of His creations.... Yes.. God is Here.... " (Hope to get that song on Youtube soon... )

I love the sweet words of love from one of my favorite choirs.... The Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir..
Worthy Is the Lamb:

For those who love acapella vocal groups: Jesus loves You!

For all my country lov'n friends out there:  Jason Wyatt sings "Jesus loves You" with his country band

There are several Marvin Gaye songs that I have a good feeling about.. I really like his first version of: "God Is Love":

I love this song: Perfect Love... I think that it is my favorite song for right now.. Very beautiful..

***P.S.: Please email me if you know the artists of these paintings.. I would like to give them recognition.. I feel that it is wrong when others sharing them do not give recognition .. it is happening more and more on the internet and with music also where it is not posted who created something.. Many times with music now they will even come over like the singer wrote the music when they didn't.. and this is just wrong... but here on my web I am doing the same thing so please let me know if you know the artists and I will try to post their name.. ... I have always been an art buff and have wanted to know the name of artists.. but I can't figure out these even though I have strove to go about using them legally following the terms of the website and striving to post their website when requested...Some of them are free, free domain.. but I have paid for the use of some or donated for the use of others.... (If you would like to contact me, email me at  P.S. Copy with my permission only.. )